The Mopwater Files Read Free Page A

stared at me with those weird eyes of his. “Oh really? Why would I be catching grass­hoppers?”
    â€œBecause, Kitty, grasshoppers are the sworn ene­mies of every ranch wife, because grasshoppers eat plants and flowers and shrubberies.”
    â€œHow interesting! The only problem, Hankie, is that grasshoppers can make you choke—the back legs, you know. They hang up in your throat sometimes.” Drover and I exchanged glances. Then we started laughing.
    â€œHey Drover, did you hear that?”
    â€œYeah, hee hee. I can’t believe he said that. What a stapid stutement. He doesn’t know that we eat grasshoppers all the time, does he?”
    I whirled back to the cat. “For your information, Kitty, we eat grasshoppers all the time. Not only do we rid the ranch of these miserable pests, but we also increase our intake of protein and save the ranch money on dog food. And do we look choked, Pete? Are we coughing and gasping for breath? Ha! So much for your phoney argument.”
    Drover was jumping up and down. “Nice shot, Hank, nice shot! Boy, you really got him on that one.”
    â€œThanks, Drover, but I’m just getting warmed up.” I leaned forward and put my nose in Kitty’s face. “Your problem with grasshoppers, Pete, is that you’re too fat and lazy to catch one.”
    Pete grinned and rolled his eyes. “Oh really? And I suppose you’re going to show me how it’s done, hmmm?”
    I gave Drover a wink. “He just stepped into our trap, Drover.”
    â€œYeah, boy, we’ve got him now!”
    Back to the cat. “Yes, as a matter of fact, Kitty, that’s exactly what we’re fixing to do. Before your very eyes, we will put on a live demonstration of Doggie Pest Control. Pay attention and study your lessons.”
    He grinned and widened his eyes. “Oh, I will, I will. I can hardly wait to see this.”
    I turned to Drover. “Okay, pal, which one of us will lead off?”
    â€œOh, I guess I could, since I know more about it than you do.”
    There was a moment of silence. “I can’t believe you said that, Drover.”
    â€œWell, I . . .”
    â€œSee, you’ve done it but I’ve studied it. I’ve studied it from all angles, the ups and the downs and the sidewayses of it.”
    â€œYeah but . . .”
    â€œYou may know a little more about the simple act of catching grasshoppers, but I’m much farther advanced in the theoretical aspects of pest control.”
    â€œI’ll be derned.”
    â€œSee, you’ve got to have a plan and a theory, Drover. You can’t just go out and pounce on a grass­hopper.”
    â€œBoy, it sure is complicated.”
    I placed a paw on his shoulder. “It is, and I’m afraid I’ll have to handle this one myself. Work a little harder on the theoretical side and maybe next time we’ll let you go first.”
    With that, I went into my warm-up procedures and began loosening up the enormous muscles in my shoulders. Those big muscles up front are the ones you use in these situations—the jumpus muscle and the semi-lateral boogaloo , if you want to get into the scientific names.
    Anyway, I got ’em warmed up and ready for combat. Then I tossed a glance over at Sally May. She was on her knees, digging in the dirt with a hand trowel. Beside her, several feet away, was a bucket of . . . something.
    Water, it appeared, yes, it was water because she poured some of it around the roots of the plant she was planting.
    Well, she seemed deeply involved in her planting business and hadn’t noticed me, so I went over to, well, wish her a good morning and to alert her to the fact that something important was fixing to happen.
    I approached her with a big cowdog smile and Broad Swings of the tail. It was lousy luck that I stepped on one of her . . . posies, pansies, petunias, whatever they were . . . stepped on one of her