The Meltdown of a Banker's Wife Read Free

makes them go like that,’ Mel replied.
    â€˜But why, Mummy? Does the water suck everything out of your skin? Is it vampire water, Mummy?’ Amy quizzed in a spooky voice, eyes glinting as she marched her wrinkled fingers up Michael’s back.
    Michael screeched. ‘I’m getting out of here! I’m never having a bath ever again!’ He launched himself out of the bath, trying to dry himself on the floor. ‘Get the water off me! It’s trying to eat me!’
    â€˜Calm down, Michael. Water can’t eat you, it just dries your skin out after a while. It’ll get back to normal in a few minutes!’
    â€˜Don’t be silly, Mummy!’ chided Amy. ‘How can water dry your skin out? Water’s wet!’
    Mel tried to remember science lessons about osmosis and diffusion and surface tension, but it was no good.
    â€˜Look, just calm down. The water won’t hurt you … Look. I’ll put my face in the bath so you can see that it’s safe.’
    â€˜No! Don’t, Mummy!’ pleaded Amy and Michael. But Mel’s face was already plunged in the water. When she took her head out, she saw two children aghast and one confused Alan staring at her, as her make-up slowly melted down her face and mascara stung her eyes.
    â€˜Mel, what are you doing? You’re frightening the children,’ remarked her husband helpfully. She stood up and looked in the bathroom mirror. Yes, she was indeed a scary sight – she looked like the incredible melting woman.
    â€˜Mummy, the water’s eating your eyes!’ shouted Amy and both children ran to the bedrooms screaming.
    â€˜Great,’ said Alan.
    â€˜Yes,’ said Mel.

4
    Mel squeezed through the door into Amy’s room whilst Alan went to comfort Michael. She could feel oozy slime toys bursting under the pile of bears left behind the door earlier. Amy was sniffing and quietly talking to someone or something.
    â€˜Willy … do you like water?’
    Amy had infinite faith that Willy could understand her and so he did his very best to send telepathic thoughts to the little girl.
    â€˜I knew you wouldn’t like water!’ she cried. ‘You are so clever. You are my best friend!’
    â€˜Amy … who are you talking to now?’ asked Mel as her feet squelched on the carpet.
    â€˜No one, Mummy.’
    â€˜Oh.’ Mel was worried now. Amy obviously had an imaginary friend. She’d have to talk to someone about this. She put her arm around her daughter.
    â€˜Are you all right Amy? You’re not still scared of the water are you? You know it doesn’t really eat you? Mummy only put her face in it to show you that it was safe.’
    â€˜But why have you got lines running from your eyes, Mummy? Why are you crying?’
    â€˜That’s just mascara. It runs when it gets wet.’
    â€˜What’s mascara?’
    â€˜It’s make-up that ladies put on their eyelashes.’
    â€˜Why?’ asked Amy.
    â€˜To make their eyes look pretty.’
    â€˜Oh … But they don’t look pretty now, Mummy.’
    â€˜No. Never mind. Let’s just have a cuddle. We’ll clean this mess up in the morning.’
    â€˜If I’m really good and clean up the mess, can we go to Aphid World tomorrow?’ asked Amy, as ever the opportunist.
    â€˜All right. But promise me you’ll try and be kinder to Michael, won’t you? Otherwise it won’t be happening. Go in and see your brother and tell him that there’s no such thing as vampire water!’
    â€˜OK …’ Amy said, uncertainly; for the vibes she was picking up from Willy told her otherwise.
    Mel carried Amy over the pile in the bedroom doorway and through to Michael’s room, where a scene of sedate domestic bliss awaited her. Already, Michael had cleaned his teeth, changed and got into bed. Alan had just got his Dr Seuss book out for a bedtime story.
    â€˜Can we join you?’