The Man of my Dreams Read Free Page A

the hospital?
    What had I done?
    The phone rang and I almost jumped out of my skin. It was Paul. He said he had a lot on his mind and not to worry too much. His workmate had died a couple of months ago and he had been under a lot of stress at work.
    "It isn’t you," he assured me. "You haven’t done anything and we'll talk properly when I get home."
    I felt relieved. Perhaps it really was just work stress. Feeling better, I set about getting dressed and planning what to do with the wonderful two weeks I had off.
    I was chatting on the phone to a friend of mine, Maria, when Paul turned up. He'd come home for lunch. I said goodbye to Maria and hung up the phone, happy to see him. As I approached him with a hug, he dodged me. "We need to talk, Cassandra," he announced. Uh oh, there went that churning in my stomach again. He kept his distance. It made me feel really uneasy.
    “Okay, Paul. What is going on?” I asked.
    “I've been doing a lot of thinking,” he said, somber and reserved. “I’m just not sure if I still want to get married and have kids anytime soon.”
    I was shocked.
    Where was this coming from? We'd been planning to get married and have a baby for years. Why this sudden about turn?
    “Alright,” I responded shakily, trying to stay calm. “We can wait a while longer.” But how much longer? I was 33 and felt my biological clock ticking. We'd been together for nearly six years and the whole time he knew I always wanted kids. At this moment I felt a bit cheated. Cheated and torn. I loved him and didn’t want to lose him.
    “We can wait until you are sure,” I continued, dreading his response.
    “I don’t know if I'll ever be ready. Hell, I’m not sure I even want kids. I know you do, though, and that you're getting to the age that it might be getting harder to conceive. I don’t want to stop you from having a family . . . so I think we should break up, Cassandra."
    He was dead serious.
    “Break up?” I cried. “Yes, Paul, I do want kids but I don’t want to lose you! Can't we talk about this? I’m sure I'll be fine if I don’t end up being a mum. Can't we compromise somehow?”
    “No,” he said sternly. “The honest truth is, I don’t think I even love you anymore. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you."
    It was a knife in my heart. The shock nearly floored me. I was crying now, an uncontrollable reaction to this unthinkable statement. What had just happened? Had he just dumped me? This was like a nightmare! If it had been building up and I could see the tell-tale signs, maybe it wouldn’t have come as such a blow. But I honestly could not think of a single reason, not one little hint, that foreshadowed Paul's words.
    He watched my reaction, unmoved.
    "I'll come home tonight after work and pick up some stuff. I’m going to stay with mum and dad for a while.”
    “You’re moving out? Don't you want to talk about this some more?”
    “No, I’ve made up mind. I’m sorry, but I can’t help the way I feel." With that he turned around and left me a crying heap on the couch.
    I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach. It was all so sudden. I was miserable and mourned on the couch for the rest of the day. The wait was unbearable as I braced myself for him to come home and get his things.
    He turned up around 5 p.m. When he saw the state I was in he came over and gave me a hug.
    “I'm so sorry, Cassandra. I don’t know what came over me. Of course I'm not going to leave you."
    I was reeling from the roller coaster of emotions. Relief flooded me. I rationalized that poor Paul had simply been in a bad state of mind. He saw the error of his ways and knew this was where he wanted to be. Everything was going to work out, right? I comforted myself with these thoughts.
    He had to go out for a few hours for work but would be back that evening. We'd sort everything out properly then. He kissed me and departed, leaving my head spinning. For the next several hours I pondered the