The Legend of Zippy Chippy Read Free Page A

handicappers and long-shot bettors. He was neither a speedster nor a steeplechaser, not a long-haul closer or a railside racer.He was Zippy Chippy, a free spirit at large and far from the grind of greatness, not sweating but celebrating the small stuff of life. He was at all times a professional racehorse, thriving, indeed rejoicing, in a quirky little world of his own. They broke the mold when they made the Zipster – to which many, particularly people who bet on horses to win, would say quite frankly, “Thank God.”
    And what was his reward for showing such rugged individualism and singular focus early on in his career? They cut his nuts off, that’s what they did. No warning, no consent form, no “It’s your last night as a real stud so we left a stable door open for you. Heart’s Desire. Third on the left.” No, it was four swipes of the scalpel, and two prairie oysters hit the stainless steel surgical dish. Oh yeah, this is not a pretty story. But still, I think it’s a pretty good one.
    SIMPLIFY! CLARIFY!
WHAT DOES ALL THIS NONSENSE MEAN?
    Maidens and stakers, stables and rakers, starting gates and handicap weights. Program hawkers, railside gawkers, betting touts, and workout clockers. I know what you’re thinking – this horse racing stuff is way too complicated. No, not really.
    When soccer and the World Cup first came to the United States in 1994, Americans were confused by the strange rules and unusual terminology of this sport that the rest of the world was madly in love with. So the brilliant Tony Kornheiser, then a columnist with the
Washington Post
, wrote a primer explaining “footie football” to the uninitiated.
    Don’t call it a game, it’s a “match.” Don’t call it a field, it’s a “pitch.” … You don’t get a penalty, you get “booked.” … Referees give out a yellow card for a cautionary penalty. If you get two yellow cards in one game, or commit a blatant foul, you get a red card, which means immediate ejection from that game, and the next game as well. If you get a green card, you can work at 7-Eleven. If you get a gold card you can charge all your purchases at 7-Eleven.”
    And sports fans embraced it all with gusto – “Okay, got it. Blow the whistle, drop the ball, and pass me a cold tallboy.”
    From a weanling to a yearling to a rambunctious young colt, a male foal grows into a stallion. Same with a filly until she is five; then she’s a mare, and sometimes a broodmare, raising her own little hellion.
    A horse wearing blinkers can still see the track, while trailing in the field or leading the pack. He prefers the jockey’s hand ride without the whip, but if it’ll help them win, then he’ll respond to the clip.
    A handicapped horse is not in any trouble. You can bet him to win or put him in the double.
    A horse can lead, stay close, or bring up the rear. He can lose and get claimed or become Horse of the Year. He can struggle to hold the lead as the finish line nears, but the real champions switch to even higher gears.
    While a light ride given to a horse is a hack, the equipment of the rider is known as tack. A length is a measuring of eight or nine feet. The leader at the stretch, that’s the horse to beat. Horses in a pack are all in the fight; while the sprinters rush to lead, the champions sit tight. A horse can win by a nose or lose by a head. When they finish in a photo, the results hang by a thread.
    A furlong is not too far to run, for a rider and a horse weighing half a ton. A gelding can never be a sire, and a speedster wins leading wire to wire. They run on grass, they run in mud; horses eat hay, cows chew cud.
    The speedster is the rabbit the rest of them chase. The closer is a winner coming from far and away. More than just speed, pace makes the race. And somebody – as the song goes – always bets on the bay.

TWO

    Money,