The Lariat (Finding Justus Series) Read Free Page A

ever-present fire just waiting for my capitulation. My incessant drinking made me pretty unpopular in the human world. The alcohol made my voices go away too. My daemon was subdued, but I was unable to feel my mother’s presence.
    I knew she was always near, just like she threatened- I mean promised. I’m sure she knew and disapproved, but I didn’t care much. I had never felt more alone. There was no other choice at the time.
    Being a drunkard also made me less approachable which was a bonus. Humans, at least, didn’t want help from a lush like me. I never minded helping people before my daemon days, but now that the compulsion was so strong, it brought pain along with it. That string around my heart that I once tied to Orrin, now just felt like a leash that any random person could just pick up.
    Just grab my leash and I’m yours.
    My freedom, my love and my life was a delusion. Darkness was my companion. The alcohol was the only freedom from the darkness, the need, and my own damning conscience that kept me riddled with guilt. It seemed nothing was real anymore. For that matter, was anything I had been through real at all? I jumped from one illusion into another, crawling through in an endless desert of mirage after mirage. My actions held no real meaning. I was lost.
    I walked through the student parking lot and reached for the large bottle in my bag. Today it was vodka, but I wasn’t partial. Anything would do to dull my pain. I wondered if there was still an out clause. Could I give it all up? Could I give up my power? My birthright? My soul? How could I end my torment and keep the world safe?
    The sharp liquid cut through the agony like knives sliding down my throat. The pain appeased my daemon and brought tears to my eyes. I checked my watch. Ben would be at home for the rest of the morning.
    My best friend always made me laugh when nothing else would. And the best thing about Ben- she never asked for my help. I’m not sure why, maybe it was because she knew I would give it anyway. We had an unspoken connection, like best friends, even though we had only met our senior year of high school. She knew about Orrin and Ava.
    She still thought I was human.
    No matter. I told her about meeting Heath in Balmorhea. She never questioned my hasty trip from Providence. Bennet Taylor was my rock. If this was the kind of love I could have then I guess I was blessed. But it wasn’t enough to keep my daemon happy.
    No one was near. The parking lot was surprisingly empty for mid-morning. I turned my backpack until it was flat against my stomach. Before I could think twice, I pushed my wings free. They groaned in protest as if they too were hungover. I pushed off, uncaring if anyone saw.
    I was impossibly fast, a speck in the sky in less than a second. I had no destination in mind and wasn’t due in for work until after twelve. My afternoon was booked too with my new study group-but that was the future. The future was a shadow. It was an enigma that held no emotion. It was the present that left me hollow.
    I licked my lips remembering the stranger- the angel , I almost kissed. I didn’t even know his name, but I knew definitively he was there for me and he was no threat, except to my thin shell of sanity.
    I flew farther, faster, the steady pump of my wings like healing music to my soul. And just like so many times before my weightlessness brought me peace. If I could only keep my wings free, fly freely wherever I chose, the battle within me would have been easier to endure. Flying brought me a sense of peace like none other. There was no drug, no man, no place which could compare.
    I looked down at the landscape passing by, like little brown squares stitched together on a quilt. My aimless wandering let my mind wander too. It searched for peace. I longed to see my dad, visit with my mom. It was past time I got my act together, I just couldn’t seem to remember existing without the alcohol. It had taken the place of my daemon