The illuminatus! trilogy Read Free Page B

to happiness as he could ever find. His girls had earned $46,000 during March, of which he took $23,000; after paying 10 percent to the Brotherhood for permission to operate without molestation by Banana-Nose Maldonado’s soldiers, this left a tidy profit of $20,700, all of it tax free. Little Carmel, who stood five feet two and had the face of a mournful weasel, beamed as he completed his calculations; his emotion was as inexpressible, in normal terms, as that of a necrophile who had just broken into the town morgue. He had tried every possible sexual combination with his girls; none gave him the
frisson
of looking at a figure like that at the end of a month.
    He did not know that he would have another $5 million, and incidentally become the most important human being on earth, before May 1. If you tried to explain it to him, he would have brushed everything else aside and asked merely, “The five million—how many throats do I hafta cut to
get my hands in it?”
    But wait: Get out the Atlas and look up Africa. Run your eyes down the map of the western coast of that continent until you come to Equatorial Guinea. Stop at the bend where part of the Atlantic Ocean curves inward and becomes the Bight of Biafra. You will note a chain of small islands; you will further observe that one of these is Fernando Poo. There, in the capital city of Santa Isobel, during the early 1970s, Captain Ernesto Tequilla y Mota carefully read and reread Edward Luttwak’s
Coup d’Etat: A Practical Handbook
, and placidly went about following Luttwak’s formula for a perfect coup d’etat in Santa Isobel. He set up a timetable, made his first converts among other officers, formed a clique, and began the slow process of arranging things so that officers likely to be loyal to Equatorial Guinea would be on assignment at least forty-eight hours away from the capital city when the coup occurred. He drafted the first proclamation to be issued by his new government; it took the best slogans of the most powerful left-wing and right-wing groups on the island and embedded them firmly in a tapiocalike context of bland liberal-conservatism. It fit Luttwak’s prescription excellently, giving everybody on the island some small hope that his own interests and beliefs would be advanced bythe new regime. And, after three years of planning, he struck: the key officials of the old regime were quickly, bloodlessly, placed under house arrest; troops under the command of officers in the cabal occupied the power stations and newspaper offices; the inoffensively fascist-conservative-liberal-communist proclamation of the new People’s Republic of Fernando Poo went forth to the world over the radio station in Santa Isobel. Ernesto Tequilla y Mota had achieved his ambition—promotion from captain to generalissimo in one step. Now, at last, he began wondering about how one went about governing a country. He would probably have to read a new book, and he hoped there was one as good as Luttwak’s treatise on seizing a country. That was on March 14.
    On March 15, the very name of Fernando Poo was unknown to every member of the House of Representatives, every senator, every officer of the Cabinet, and all but one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. In fact, the President’s first reaction, when the CIA report landed on his desk that afternoon, was to ask his secretary, “Where the hell is Fernando Poo?”
    Saul took off his glasses and polished them with a handkerchief, conscious of his age and suddenly more tired than ever. “I outrank you, Barney,” he began.
    Muldoon grinned. “I know what’s coming.”
    Methodically, Saul went on, “Who, on your staff, do you think is a double agent for the CIA?”
    “Robinson I’m sure of, and Lehrman I suspect.”
    “Both of them go. We take no chances.”
    “I’ll have them transferred to the Vice Squad in the morning. How about your own staff?”
    “Three of them, I think, and they go, too.”
    “Vice Squad’ll love the