The House of Roses Read Free Page B

Lamaze class.
    “ Holy shit, this is it,” she said without thinking.
    “ This is it,” the nurse confirmed. “Ready?”
    “ Nope,” Caitlin admitted.
    “ That's what everyone says.”

 
     
    T wo
     
     
    Colin Thomas sipped his third beer, and glanced across the table at Lorry Andrews. Her eyes glowed in the dimly lit pub, and since they'd arrived, he added, “expert listener” to her list of attributes. He still felt like a first class jerk, but she'd admitted she saw it coming, and she seemed to understand why.
    “ I'm sorry,” she said, and he reached across the table to take her hand.
    “ So am I,” he offered as his only response.
    “ She sounds like a wonderful person,” Lorry said softly, not helping Colin feel like less of an ass.
    “ I didn't realize it at the time,” he offered, looking solemn.
    “ So, what now?” she asked.
    “ I grovel?” he replied, and when she didn't respond he admitted, “it might be too late.”
    “ It might not be,” she offered, and he smiled at her.
    “ You're an optimist,” he replied.
    “ I'm a woman. I've been in love, Colin.”
    “ There were times it was really bad,” he said softly. “I did something kind of heartless,” he added.
    “ What did you do?”
    “ I lied,” he admitted, gazing into the nearly empty beer glass.
    “ About what?” she asked, and he looked at her.
    “ Caitlin is an editor at The New York Times , a good one. She loves her job, but I know she wants to do more. She wrote a book. I've read it. I told her I loved it.”
    “ You didn't love it?” Lorry asked, and Colin shook his head.
    “ I wanted to love it, Lorry. I even called in a favor to get her an agent, and another one to get a publisher to read it. She'd hate that I did that. The whole thing is a lie. It's made her believe the book has merit.”
    “ It doesn't?” Lorry asked.
    “ She's a great writer, but her book was empty. The characters were shallow, not like the Caitlin I knew.”  Colin looked up, meeting Lorry's stare. “I shouldn't be discussing this with you. It hardly seems fair.”
    “ It's okay, really. Besides, I offered,” she said, smiling.
    “ You did. I think I needed to talk to someone about this. It's bothered me for a long time.”
    “ This isn't about the book, is it?” she asked.
    “ No. But I think reading it made me realize things about Caitlin, things that scared me. It was almost like she was afraid to open her heart and put it all on paper. It made me see she was holding something back, maybe even from me. She kept me at a distance. I think I did the same thing. It's like we were afraid of each other.”
    “ How so?” Lorry asked.
    “ I think we were afraid of the love we felt. Afraid we'd lose a part of ourselves if we really gave into it. I've seen the pain of losing someone you love.”
    “ So, you think it's better not to risk it,” she said. Colin wasn't sure if it was a question, but he answered anyway.
    “ I don't know. I think I used to feel that way.”
    “ Is that how you feel now?”
    “ I can't feel my lips,” Colin said.
    “ It's the booze, and it doesn't answer my question.”  Colin smiled at Lorry.
    “ You ask some doozer questions.”
    “ I know, and you're good at avoiding them,” she said, and Colin inhaled sharply.
    “ I can't believe we're talking about this. You're really something, Lorry.”
    “ Still doesn't answer the question,” she said, and although her tone was playful, she looked sad, and for a moment, he really wished he could have loved her.
    “ I feel like I lost something really special, something I may never find again.”
    “ You still could,” she replied softly, wishing someone would one day love her as much as this man obviously loved Caitlin Goodrich. “You could tell her how you feel.”
    “ I called her at work last week,” he said, feeling like an even greater ass.
    Lorry, sensing his reluctance to admit it, smiled. “It's okay,” she said. “Did she take your