The Greatest Serial Killer in the Universe Read Free Page A

been enjoying his adventure. He had loved killing aliens on another planet...loved making a comeback after years of decline...loved being treated like a V.I.P. for doing what he loved to do. He had loved the irony, too, that a serial killer whose nickname was
Bug-Eyed Monster, and whose M.O. included carving crop circles in his victims and arranging their organs like constellations, had become the first Earthling serial killer in space.
    But something had changed. The thrill seemed to be gone.
    As hard as it was to believe, Luther felt all killed out. He ' d never thought he ' d see the day when he ' d had enough murder, but the day had come.
    *****
    The next morning, after about three hours of sleep interrupted by Ectozoids whomping on the front door for murder lessons, Luther felt even less enthusiastic about the kill training.
    As Boraf shook him awake to face a fresh batch of wannabes, Luther actually felt a wave of dread at the day ahead. Instead of reveling in gleeful anticipation, he wished that the day was over already; the last thing he felt like doing was cranking out another bunch of killer jellyfish.
    " Make more kill, " said Boraf, coiling its tentacles around Luther ' s arms and dragging him up to a sitting position. " Save world now. "
    Angrily, Luther batted off the tentacles and got to his feet. Grabbing his smokes and lighter from atop his food locker, he proceeded to draw out a cigarette and plug it into his mouth.
    " Ectozoids need kill now, " puffed Boraf, extending a tentacle toward the cigarette. " Now not later save world. "
    As the tentacle drifted toward him, Luther froze, the lighter halfway to his mouth. He gave Boraf a look that would have killed it if looks could do that...and as dense or inconsiderate as Boraf was, the ' Zoid seemed to get the message. The tentacle wavered for an instant in front of Luther ' s face, then slowly withdrew.
    Luther glared at the ' Zoid for another moment for good measure, then flicked the lighter and touched the flame to the tip of the cigarette. When he released the first lungful of smoke, he was pleased to see the ' Zoids back away; the one thing they seemed to be more allergic to than waiting was cigarette smoke.
    If he had thought he could get away with it, and if he had had enough cigarettes, Luther would have stood there and smoked for the rest of the day.
    *****
    Around his fifteenth conversion of the morning, Luther began to regret his life as a serial killer.
    It was a brand new train of thought, one that had never chugged through him on even his worst days. Even when Lech Bomb had gone bad and the Guild had kicked Luther out, he had never doubted his choice of career. It had been a given practically from day one; he had never felt like he could have been anything but a serial killer.
    So why, all of a sudden, was he questioning his choice? Why did he feel sadness and shame when he looked back at his achievements instead of the usual pride and nostalgia? And why was he jumping the track now, of all times, just when he was at the apex of his career?
    As he guided another ' Zoid in gutting another victim, Luther remembered the first human life he had taken. The old woman ' s face came back to him, looking just the same as it had when he ' d thrown the first shovel-full of dirt on her: weeping and blinking and quaking, buried alive. He had thought of her often through the years, always with secret, dark pleasure...but now, the pleasure had soured. When he conjured her image in his mind (Ida Mae Caldwell, that was her name) he felt a brick in his stomach and a wave of dizzying nausea.
    Annoyed at this unexpected response, Luther skimmed through his memories of other victims, seeking more familiar reactions. Not counting the ' Zoids he ' d killed, he had 276 to choose from over a 42-year period. Normally, recalling them was like fondling rare coins from a collection--admiring them, wallowing in the selfish joy of ownership; this time, he wanted to put them right