The Grave Robbers of Genghis Khan Read Free Page A

explode. He may be mad, but he’s not that mad.”
    Silently, John looked at Philippa, who hardly looked convinced.
    “Light my lamp, don’t you children want to learn anything?” demanded Nimrod. “This is a fantastic opportunity to expand your knowledge.”
    “It’s not my knowledge expanding I care about,” said John. “It’s the side of the mountain.”
    “Nonsense,” said Nimrod. “You’ll be fine. Groanin, you’d better stop at the local supermarket to buy a lady’s nylon stocking, or perhaps a pair of micro-mesh tights. You may need to pull one over your head to help you breathe if the ash becomes troublesome. Given your previous career as a burglar you should be used to wearing that kind of headgear.”
    “It’s bank robbers what wears ladies’ nylon stockings over their heads,” Groanin said coolly. “Not burglars. And as a matter of fact, I wasn’t a burglar. I were only ever a thief. Not that it makes any difference. Do say hello for me to the professor, and to Axel, sir. But I’m afraid I have no intention of wearing a lady’s stocking over me head. Nor have I any intention of accompanying you and these children on this daft expedition of yours. Not now. Not ever.”
    He handed the letter to his master.
    “What’s this?” asked Nimrod.
    “Me resignation,” said Groanin. “I’m sorry, sir, but after our last adventure, so called, I swore I wouldn’t ever do anything of a hazardous nature again. I’ve had enough of creepy crawlies and giant millipedes and homicidal head-hunting Indians and all manner of inconveniences that I’ve had to endure in your service. John’s right. It’s crazy to go gallivanting up a flipping volcano just when it shows signs of turning nasty. If you want to end up as toast, that’s your affair, sir. But count me out.”
    “Honestly, there’s no danger of that, Groanin,” insisted Nimrod.
    “I wish I had ten pounds for every time you’ve said something like that.”
    As soon as Groanin uttered these words, a small leather briefcase appeared, as if by magic, out of rippling thin air on top of the desk where Groanin had written his letter of resignation.
    “Eh? What’s that?” Groanin opened the briefcase and discovered that it was full of ten-pound notes.
    “Sorry,” said John. “That was me. It was instinctive. Subliminal wish fulfillment. Couldn’t help it.”
    “Aye, well, this can count as severance pay,” said Groanin. “I’m obliged to you, lad.”
    “But, Groanin.” Nimrod looked and sounded bewildered. “What will you do? Where will you go?”
    “Back to England,” said the butler. “I’ll stay with me sister, Dolly, in Heaton Park until I can find a place of me own.”
    “I didn’t even know you had a sister, Groanin,” said Philippa.
    “We don’t get on, she and I. Never did. But blood’s blood and she’ll have me to stay for a while. I shall miss you and John, right enough. But I shan’t miss the foreign travel. Or the foreign grub. Or the hair-raising scrapes that we’ve been in. I’ve even started to dream that I was in a scrape. Last night I dreamt I was being chased by a flippin’ grizzly bear. I woke up out of breath as if it was actually happening.” He shook his head grimly. “I can’t take it anymore. I said, I can’t take it anymore.”
    “Look, old chap,” said Nimrod. “You don’t have to quit. You can stay here. Take it easy. Read the newspaper.”
    Groanin looked pained. “Thank you, sir, but no. Me mind’s made up. I’ve been thinking about leaving your service for a while and this has just made me think that it’s the right thing to do. You see, I know how these adventures start. You’ll go off to the volcano, leaving me here at the hotel, but something will happen that’ll be worse than if I’d come with you after all. Worse for me, that is. There’ll be another earthquake or something and the whole hotel will fall down the cliff face and I’ll look like a chump for not coming up