The Girl With Death Breath and Other Naughty Stories for Good Boys and Girls Read Free

this was the day.
    We turned up at morning assembly and then Rob started whispering to the kid in front of him. Soon everyone was whispering. And holding their noses. The sun beat down and the whispering got louder.
    â€˜What’s going on?’ yelled Mr Watson.
    â€˜Excuse me, sir,’ said Rob, ‘but there’s a terrible smell and I think I know where it’s coming from.’
    â€˜And where might that be?’ asked Mr Watson.
    â€˜From Bulldog, sir,’ said Rob.
    â€˜How dare you!’ shouted Mr Watson.
    Kids were busting to laugh but they were too scared of Mr Watson.
    â€˜Stand over there facing the wall!’ he screamed.
    And that should have been the end of it, except Mr Watson started to think that maybe he could smell something too. He sniffed and thought and sniffed again.
    Finally it got the better of him and he asked Bulldog to turn around. He looked closely then stepped back in disgust.
    â€˜Bulldog, I’m afraid you’ve had an accident,’ said Mr Watson.
    Well, you should have heard the laughter. Some kids laughed so much they started rolling on the ground. Even Mr Watson couldn’t help a grin.

    Poor Bulldog. He checked his shorts, looked around, checked them again, and then just stood there. And went red. And then dark red and then purple.
    I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone look so embarrassed as Bulldog did that hot, smelly, excellent morning.
    Well, Rob was right. Bulldog never hurt anyone after that. For a while we had the feeling he wanted to, but he was too scared of what Rob might do next.
    These days, Bulldog’s not a bad kid. But do you know what? On really hot mornings he checks his bike seat, just in case. I’ve seen him. But I’d never let him know, of course. And you know what else? I check mine too.

Early one morning, Steven Everett checked his watch, quietly slipped into the clothes he’d laid out the night before, grabbed the bag he’d had packed for a week, brushed his teeth, tiptoed into the kitchen and wrote the following note:
    Dear Mum, Dad and Anthony,
    I’m going. I don’t know where but I’m going. When you said the other night that I’m useless, I thought, well, that’s it. I’ve always known how you think Anthony is so good at everything and I’m such a loser and it’s so easy to see that you love him and you don’t love me.
    There must be somewhere I can live where everyone doesn’t make me feel like an idiot. Don’t worry about me being hungry or anything because I pinched fifty bucks from your purse. Don’t worry about Woofer being lost either. I’m taking him with me. At least for now I’ll be out of your way.
    Forever.
    Â Â Â Goodbye,
       Steven
    Steven started to cry but there was no way he was changing his mind. So he sneaked out of the kitchen window, crept up to Woofer’s kennel and whispered, ‘You ready?’

    He let Woofer lick away some tears and took one last look at the house in which he had lived for all of his eleven years. Then he set off down the road.
    Steven knew exactly what he would do. Catch a train into the city and just hang around for a while. Until he got himself together. Then he’d find a job, get married and have kids – kids who felt loved.
    It didn’t take long for Steven to realise that running away wasn’t as easy as it sounded.
    â€˜No dogs on the train, kid,’ said the station master.
    â€˜But how am I going to get to the city?’ asked Steven.
    â€˜Ever heard of walking?’ said the jerk station master. ‘Either that or you could let the dog play on the tracks for a while. The seven thirty-three’s not that far away.’
    As the station master turned away, laughing, Woofer peed on his leg.
    So, Steven and Woofer did walk. The whole way. Eleven kilometres to the city in the rain.
    â€˜Why didn’t I bring a coat?’