The Gate of Sorrows Read Free Page A

major at a so-so university in central Tokyo.
    Neither the university nor the major had been Kotaro’s choice. His school was the only one that had accepted him; he’d failed his other entrance exams. The heavy hand of fate had gone ahead and decided things for him.
    He had no plans to become a teacher. Tokyo was awash with would-be teachers anyway. There were no jobs—none at all.
    “Ko-chan, what are you going to do? You don’t have a chance,” Kazumi would say.
    “I’ll make it somehow.”
    He had more than two years before he had to start thinking seriously about where he might find a job. Now was the time for him to congratulate himself on at least getting in somewhere. Now was the time to enjoy his student life.
    That’s what he’d thought, at first.
    Much to his surprise, student life wasn’t much fun after all. This rude awakening took place soon after the term started. Why was everything so boring? He had to admit, he’d never thought things would be this bad. Why was school so lame?
    He was surrounded by students who’d drifted into university with no goal, no purpose. People just like him. They were all having a great time. They were enjoying this one best time of their lives to the max, and they acted like their goal was to enjoy it even more, if that were possible.
    Somehow Kotaro couldn’t go along. He didn’t even know what it was he was supposed to be enjoying. He’d joined a few of the clubs, but aside from their activities and names, they were mainly about parties and drinking. The “serious” clubs were so serious that Kotaro was put off. Why did everyone tell him university clubs would be fun?
    Then again, who was “everyone,” exactly? Who had told him that being a college student was a nonstop party? Who had told him the clubs were totally cool?
    For Kotaro, it was the lectures—the one thing in school that bored the kids around him to tears—that somehow seemed interesting. His general education courses were mostly tedious, but every now and then he’d stumble across something new in one of his classes, something fascinating. The clubs, with their nonstop partying and drinking, offered nothing new. The basic difference between high school and this university that fate had chosen for him was that now he could openly do things that before he’d had to do in secret.
    Maybe I chose the wrong path , he told himself. Maybe I should’ve thought about college more carefully. Maybe I should’ve chosen my major more carefully, even if it meant taking a year or two off.
    Was he having some kind of psychological letdown? No, letdowns were for people who were serious about school. He hadn’t burned with motivation while he’d been studying for exams. Making it into this school didn’t feel like an accomplishment. He was just glad he'd got in somewhere.
    Kotaro’s father was a salaryman who worked in a credit union. His mother Asako was a homemaker, but she’d always had some kind of job since she married. For the last two years or so she’d been working the register at a big retailer not far from their house.
    Both of his parents were model citizens. They had worked diligently to raise Kotaro and Kazumi, setting aside their own enjoyment to pay for their children’s education, which wasn’t coming cheap. Pretty much everyone would probably say that was what parents were supposed to do. But Kotaro wasn’t remotely sure he could sacrifice as much and as patiently as his parents had, were he called on to do the same. They had him beat on that one, as someone his age might say.
    It would be awful enough to confess to his father and mother that it looked like he’d screwed up his choice of school and major because he hadn’t taken the whole thing very seriously, that he found nothing rewarding about student life. Maybe they’d worry about his mental stability. He knew he wasn’t going crazy, though he couldn’t put his finger on what he felt.
    In fact, that was the problem. He