The Further Adventures of an Idiot Abroad Read Free Page A

listen to!
    My left leg started to shake uncontrollably like it was trying to walk away from the ledge.
    KARL : Look, me left leg is moving and me right leg isn’t doing anything.
    KYLE : That’s normal, man. Push down on your heel, that’ll stop it.
    KARL : Yeah, but what’s it saying to me? Why is it getting involved?
    KYLE : Your left leg is going ’cos the adrenaline is pumping and coursing through your veins right now.
    KARL : Right. I’m getting the rush of adrenaline without stepping off, so why go further?
    PHIL : When you leave that edge that’s when you get it, that’s when the endorphins kick in, that’s when you get the reward. So,
     what you’ve got to do is take a couple of deep breaths again. You can do this, work with me. We’re going to go to the edge, look up, you’ve had a look down, you know what
     it’s like down there. I want you to look up, I want you to find that mountain out there, the sunshine, focus on it. We give you the countdown, it’s gonna be three, two, one, short
     countdown. Go for it. Once you leave that edge, boom! that’s it, job done. You’re gonna be absolutely giggling, I promise you. Karl, stop thinking about it!
    KARL : But I’ve got to think about it.
    PHIL : Don’t think too much!
    PHIL : Just let go, stop listening to that thing in your head.
    KARL : No, because that’s what you should listen to in life.
    PHIL : No, you shouldn’t, not always. You’ll never get anywhere if you listen to that all the time.
    The mood started to change. The other bungee jumpers were getting impatient and shouting, as they were getting tired of waiting. I suppose they’d hyped themselves up to do it and now I was
getting in the way and giving their inner voice more time to make them reconsider, which isn’t good when you’ve probably paid around £130 to do this. I asked them to shut up, as I
couldn’t think straight with all the noise.
    PHIL : Don’t think about it too much! You’re gonna go for it!
    KARL : No.
    PHIL : Yes, you are.
    KARL : No.
    PHIL : You have got it, mate.
    KARL : No.
    PHIL : It’s all yours. Look up, focus.
    KARL : No.
    PHIL : Just let it happen.
    KARL : No.
    PHIL : We’re gonna count you down.
    KARL : No, stop pushing me.
    PHIL : I want you to say yes! I’m holding on to the back of you . . .
    KARL : No, no, I wanted me to say yes, I’m not saying yes, it’s everyone else saying yes.
    PHIL : OK, well, say yes.
    KARL : No!
    SPECTATOR : Strap on a pair of balls and get out there!
    KYLE : You’re being Welsh about it, aren’t you? Go on, get out there, mate!
    SAM : Can I get you a tissue for that vagina?
    KARL : Say what you want, it doesn’t bother me.
    KYLE : Toughen up.
    In the end I decided to listen to the voice in my head and not do it. Sam and Kyle did though. They didn’t hang around as long as me and think about what they were about to do. They got
hooked up and jumped without looking down and didn’t give time for their inner voice to get a word in. They came back up
woooohing
loudly, but nothing made me want to do it. In a way
I was proud of the fact I said no. To this day, there is not one bit of me that wished I had done the bungee. I wonder how many people end up doing it under pressure from spectators standing by
yelling at them the way they did with me. How many of them are brave enough to say no? How many of these people would do it for themselves if no one was watching? I’ve always been quite good
at not doing things I didn’t want to do. When I was younger I had loads of mates who did daft things like sniff glue and gas but I always said no. I had a friend whose ambition it was to work
in a cobblers just for the free smell of glue. The only time I took drugs was by accident at a pub quiz. There were loads of chocolate brownies on the tables. I wandered about from table to table
eating them. When I left I hailed a taxi, but when he asked where I wanted to go I couldn’t remember. It turned out I’d been eating hash