The Final Exam Read Free Page B

return with Abernathy, her personal singing companion, Garrison took a moment to remind his peers of the plan.
    “As soon as Abernathy enters, I want everyone smiling at him. We need to make him feel welcome,” Garrison whispered. “And remember, be patient—we can’t just jump right into the whole ‘you guys need to work this out’ speech. First we need to say hello, make some small talk, maybe even have a snack—”
    “Let’s not forget who brought the non–Casu Frazigu snacks: me!” Theo interrupted while literally reaching his arm around to pat himself on the back.
    “But these aren’t the most mature people; it’s ratherplausible they might immediately start yelling,” Madeleine said perceptively. “In truth, there’s really no telling what they’ll do.”
    “If they get rowdy, I say we break out some Styrofoam bats and just let them go at it,” Lulu added.
    “I don’t think so,” Garrison quickly countered.
    “Um, don’t knock it; we did it in family therapy,” Lulu said in response.
    “With all due respect, Lulu, from what we’ve heard of your family, the exercise doesn’t appear to have been terribly effective,” Madeleine assessed candidly.
    “Yeah, I guess you have a point. But it was really fun, one of the best times of my life,” Lulu said, staring wistfully off into space.
    The faint sound of Abernathy and Hyacinth singing Christmas carols suddenly rippled through the ballroom, instantly grabbing everyone’s attention.
    “Mister Abernathy certainly enjoys Christmas tunes,” Schmidty said with a nervous smile, and Macaroni tilted his head at the sound of the tonally challenged duo.
    “A terribly odd affinity considering he’s Jewish,” Mrs. Wellington mumbled. “He had a bar mitzvah and everything.”
    “Being open to other faiths is a wonderful quality,” Madeleine offered optimistically.
    “About that bar mitzvah: Did he get a lot of gifts? Not that I am basing my conversion to any religion on the gift-to-child ratio. However, there is no denying that eight days of Hanukkah to one day of Christmas is pretty compelling,” Theo said emphatically.
    “Trust me, no one thinks you’re picking a religion based on gifts,” Lulu said with a roll of her eyes. “We all know it’s coming down to the food: Who has the best, and the most of it?”
    As Theo prepared a retort, the tone-deaf twosome entered the ballroom. They were met with six tense faces—seven if they counted Macaroni. Instantly unnerved by the room’s many scrutinizing eyes, Abernathy trailed off while staring keenly at his shoes. In stark contrast, Hyacinth continued to sing with all the enthusiasm of a Broadway star on opening night.
    “Miss Hyacinth,” Schmidty said loudly, “perhaps now would be a good time to rest your vocal cords.”
    “I go by Hyhy, remember? I know you’re old and could die at any second, but we’re still besties, and besties call me Hyhy!”
    “Thank you for those extremely uplifting words, Miss
Hyhy,
” Schmidty replied drolly.
    “Hey, Abernathy,” Garrison jumped in, offering the biggest smile humanly possible. “How are you? How’s everything going?”
    Abernathy continued to stare at his shoes, seemingly oblivious to Garrison’s greeting. Undeterred, Garrison turned toward Mrs. Wellington, once again offering a massive smile.
    “Mrs. Wellington, how are you? You look really… yellow. I mean,
nice in yellow,
” Garrison rambled awkwardly.
    For the first time in her life, Mrs. Wellington ignored a compliment and remained totally and utterly silent. Everyone in the room quickly grew ill at ease, inadvertently setting the stage for Theo, who cleared his throat in an embarrassingly theatrical manner. It sounded like a cat with laryngitis trying to dislodge a hairball.
    “As the MC—that’s master of ceremonies, for those of you not up-to-date on your acronyms—I would like to welcome you—”
    “Wait a minute. No one made you master of ceremonies,” Lulu