The Fantastic Book of Everybody's Secrets Read Free Page B

come straight away.
    She knows nothing about the process of removing a door, but oil must be involved, because Sol Barber managed to spill some on her new marble-coloured carpet. There were two smears of black in the hall, outside the downstairs bathroom.Sol summoned her from her study to inspect them. ‘Sorry,’ he said sheepishly. ‘Don’t know how it happened. But all you need to do is tell the company that sold you the carpet that it was like that when it arrived. Then they’ll have to replace it free of charge.’ He grinned, and she noticed again his chipped front tooth.
    The plan had a certain appeal. She could insist on shell instead of marble. She should have insisted first time round, but the men from Bonners knew more about carpets than she did; who was she to argue if they told her, sternly, that it didn’t matter? But now there was a way for her to get the carpet she wanted, had ordered and was entitled to. On the other hand, she could see that it wouldn’t be fair to do to Bonners what Sol was proposing.
    â€˜I can’t afford to replace your carpet, so it’s your only option,’ he said cheerfully. ‘Or, if you don’t want to do that, I’ll have a scrub at the stains, see if I can get them out for you.’
    This is why she has come to the library: not only because she needs a book for her work, but to get away from Sol and give herself time to think about what to do. She sat on the bus with her arms folded and her legs crossed, her whole body a tight knot of resentment. I’ve got a stained carpet that’s the wrong colour , she said to herself, and now I either have to defraud the company I bought it from, fall out with my joiner by turning down his kind offer of a criminal conspiracy and insisting he pay for the damage himself, or just lump it .
    She has always liked Sol. Not that she knows him very well. His name isn’t really Sol, but that has been his nickname for years. It is what everybody calls him. Sol is his favourite beer. The main thing she likes about him is that he is always instantly available for work, whenever she needs him. She doesn’t know if this is because he is efficient or unsuccessful. His hair is fine and black, and his skin pale, alabaster. He often smells of vinegar. She knows very little about him, only that he is married to a woman named Tina and has twochildren, Wilfred and Agnes. Also, she remembered on the bus on the way to the library, she knows that his star sign is Capricorn. He fitted a new kitchen for her last year. The manufacturers kept sending units that were the wrong size, which made his job almost impossible and wasted a lot of his time, but Sol never seemed to mind. He remained tolerant and amused throughout. When she said she didn’t know how he managed it, he said, ‘It’s my Capricorn temperament,’ and winked at her.
    She has left Sol in her house. He is there now, planing and rehanging the doors while she is out. She is nervous about telling him that she cannot lie to Bonners. This trip to the library is supposed to be a calm interlude in an otherwise fraught day. Which is why, when the young bearded man behind the inter-library loans desk tells her that the wrong book has arrived, she reacts as she does. Because she is entitled to be angry.
    â€˜You ordered Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes,’ says the man, waving a small blue slip of paper in the air as if it is proof that he has never in his life done anything wrong. ‘And that’s what’s arrived. Does it really matter who wrote the introduction?’
    â€˜Yes. If it didn’t matter, I wouldn’t have said anything about the introduction when I ordered the book, would I? I’d just have ordered a copy of Leviathan . What else does it say on that bit of paper? What have I written under “ Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes”?’ She is beginning to enjoy her anger. Giving vent to it is satisfying,