past the library, past the servants' quarters. My legs burned with the effort and every heavy beat of my heart pressed new pain against my bruised eye.
I moved from the stairs at the landing of the fifth floor and took the long left-hand corridor that bent right with the outside curve of the tower, then threw open the fifth door on the left. I slammed it hard behind me and slung myself full-length upon my mattress on the floor.
My breaths were coming ragged, my heart still hammering with shame, but I heard a little sound within the room that made it worse. I forced myself to turn and found Toman waiting patiently against the outer wall.
He was about my age, maybe even younger, but he was tall and wide across the shoulders and strong as an ox. And he could be astonishingly quiet. I'd only noticed him there because he wanted me to.
Now he nodded. "Good morning, Taryn."
I hated that he'd seen me like that, almost sobbing, but at least it wasn't Jen. She would have been cruel. Toman would pretend not to notice. He was kind enough, even if he had been set to spy on me.
Then I remembered the lie I'd told Caleb. I sighed, completely miserable.
"Good morning, Toman. I owe you an apology."
"I don't believe you do."
I rolled my shoulders and looked away. "Caleb caught me on the wall. Without you there."
"Then I believe you owe Caleb an apology. Or Lady Isabelle."
"I owe Caleb nothing."
He cocked his head. "Indeed? He is a good general."
"He is arrogant and stubborn and casually cruel!"
"Not cruel," Toman said, calm. "Perhaps severe, but this is no time for gentle men."
"How can you defend him? Don't you understand? He beat me in front of the whole militia! In front of the king! And you know he's going to punish you for my...choices."
"No. He'll reprimand me for failing in my duty. A good soldier—"
"Is not a nursemaid! Toman, don't apologize for having more useful things to do than watch over me."
He shrugged. "Vigilance is much of my responsibility. Will you tell me how you escaped the library?"
"Will you keep it from Jen?" I asked.
"Not if it could mean your safety."
I sighed. "It doesn't matter, she'd find it anyway. There's a missing shelf among the histories, tall enough to squeeze through once I moved the books. That let me into the records nook—"
"And from there into the war room and down the outer stairs while Jen was watching the central spire."
I swallowed hard. "She's going to be mad."
"She would be furious, but her watch ended while you were still pretending to study the maps. I saw you there when I took over."
"I'm sorry, Toman."
He held my gaze. "Why?"
"I never meant to embarrass you."
He cut me off before I could say more. "That's not what I mean. My failure is my burden. I will carry it. But why do you work so hard to defy your mother's orders?"
"You ask too much—"
"I don't think I do," he said. "You wanted to apologize. I will not accept it until you answer me."
I looked down at my hands just to avoid his eyes. What could it hurt to answer? He'd already seen my shame. And if he understood—if someone in this tower understood—perhaps I'd have some chance at fixing what was wrong.
"The king is here," I said.
"I know."
"He came here to speak with Mother. Or maybe even Father. As fractured as things are, the king may not know my father's...."
"Gone."
I nodded. "Gone. But now the dragonswarm is over, now it's safe to leave the City, and he has come all the way to the Tower to reward us for our service."
"But he brought an army."
"Of course! A show of splendor only increases the honor."
Toman frowned. "Didn't he attack the outer gates?"
"I...I don't know. Caleb didn't let me stay to hear his speech. Perhaps...perhaps it was just his recognition that the gates are no longer necessary."
"That seems unlikely," Toman said.
"What else could it be? We stood against the dragonswarm and bought humanity's survival by our courage. The king and all his armies, all his wizards, could only
I moved from the stairs at the landing of the fifth floor and took the long left-hand corridor that bent right with the outside curve of the tower, then threw open the fifth door on the left. I slammed it hard behind me and slung myself full-length upon my mattress on the floor.
My breaths were coming ragged, my heart still hammering with shame, but I heard a little sound within the room that made it worse. I forced myself to turn and found Toman waiting patiently against the outer wall.
He was about my age, maybe even younger, but he was tall and wide across the shoulders and strong as an ox. And he could be astonishingly quiet. I'd only noticed him there because he wanted me to.
Now he nodded. "Good morning, Taryn."
I hated that he'd seen me like that, almost sobbing, but at least it wasn't Jen. She would have been cruel. Toman would pretend not to notice. He was kind enough, even if he had been set to spy on me.
Then I remembered the lie I'd told Caleb. I sighed, completely miserable.
"Good morning, Toman. I owe you an apology."
"I don't believe you do."
I rolled my shoulders and looked away. "Caleb caught me on the wall. Without you there."
"Then I believe you owe Caleb an apology. Or Lady Isabelle."
"I owe Caleb nothing."
He cocked his head. "Indeed? He is a good general."
"He is arrogant and stubborn and casually cruel!"
"Not cruel," Toman said, calm. "Perhaps severe, but this is no time for gentle men."
"How can you defend him? Don't you understand? He beat me in front of the whole militia! In front of the king! And you know he's going to punish you for my...choices."
"No. He'll reprimand me for failing in my duty. A good soldier—"
"Is not a nursemaid! Toman, don't apologize for having more useful things to do than watch over me."
He shrugged. "Vigilance is much of my responsibility. Will you tell me how you escaped the library?"
"Will you keep it from Jen?" I asked.
"Not if it could mean your safety."
I sighed. "It doesn't matter, she'd find it anyway. There's a missing shelf among the histories, tall enough to squeeze through once I moved the books. That let me into the records nook—"
"And from there into the war room and down the outer stairs while Jen was watching the central spire."
I swallowed hard. "She's going to be mad."
"She would be furious, but her watch ended while you were still pretending to study the maps. I saw you there when I took over."
"I'm sorry, Toman."
He held my gaze. "Why?"
"I never meant to embarrass you."
He cut me off before I could say more. "That's not what I mean. My failure is my burden. I will carry it. But why do you work so hard to defy your mother's orders?"
"You ask too much—"
"I don't think I do," he said. "You wanted to apologize. I will not accept it until you answer me."
I looked down at my hands just to avoid his eyes. What could it hurt to answer? He'd already seen my shame. And if he understood—if someone in this tower understood—perhaps I'd have some chance at fixing what was wrong.
"The king is here," I said.
"I know."
"He came here to speak with Mother. Or maybe even Father. As fractured as things are, the king may not know my father's...."
"Gone."
I nodded. "Gone. But now the dragonswarm is over, now it's safe to leave the City, and he has come all the way to the Tower to reward us for our service."
"But he brought an army."
"Of course! A show of splendor only increases the honor."
Toman frowned. "Didn't he attack the outer gates?"
"I...I don't know. Caleb didn't let me stay to hear his speech. Perhaps...perhaps it was just his recognition that the gates are no longer necessary."
"That seems unlikely," Toman said.
"What else could it be? We stood against the dragonswarm and bought humanity's survival by our courage. The king and all his armies, all his wizards, could only
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