The Doorway and the Deep Read Free Page B

thinking about Pen Bloomfield, her worst enemy back at Kemble School. She’d purposefully tried to get lost in plagued parts of the wood, surrounded by the odor of disease. These all proved to be terrible experiences, but not one of them had brought on a bad spell.
    â€œThat is the way with all keens,” Mr. Wilfer had explained at their first lesson. “They have a flair for the dramatic. When they first appear, they’re bright and showy. When Adelaide turned six, she asked me where the loud music she heard was coming from. It was from ten blocks down, in the concert hall, where the Southerly Boys Chorale was putting on a concert. Even now, Adelaide can’t hear afull ten blocks away. It only happened that once, you see, at the very onset, when her keen made itself known. After that, Adelaide began sharpening with her tutor. It took her years to develop her keen. She couldn’t even hear into the next room until she turned eight.
    â€œWhen you were little, you were
fighting
the pain of your keen. You saw it as something bad, something to be afraid of, not to embrace. You’d been healing yourself for years, but your keen longed for a bigger outlet. When you made Eliot better, your keen did the work for you. But now things are different. Now
you
must be the one to work.”
    In the days after she’d healed Eliot, Lottie had dared to think that everything would be magically better. She’d thought that all she would have to do in the future was wait for a bad spell, then hold Eliot’s hand until, one day, he was completely healed of his illness. She hadn’t thought she would have to practice.
    She certainly hadn’t thought the practice would be so hard.
    â€œThis is a frustration every sprite endures,” Mr. Wilfer now said, patting Lottie’s shoulder. “To know what you are capable of without having yet attained it. But you mustn’t get discouraged. I can sense your impatience, Lottie. As long as you are discontented with your progress, you won’t be able to move forward with your sharpening. The first step is—”
    â€œI know, I know. A clear mind.”
    â€œA clear mind is a
content
mind—one devoid of impatience. Without it, training is useless.”
    â€œThen training is going to be very useless today, Mr. Wilfer.” Lottie sighed. “My mind isn’t anywhere close to clear.”
    Mr. Wilfer frowned and asked, “Is there something bothering you?”
    Lottie wanted to tell Mr. Wilfer that Trouble had run away and that she was worried about him. But if Lottie told Mr. Wilfer that, he would think she was even more of a failure.
Real
sprites didn’t lose their gengas.
    â€œNo,” she said. “No, it’s just a bad mood. And I don’t want to waste your time. I know you’re very busy helping the wisps, and I already feel guilty.”
    â€œGuilty? Whatever for?”
    â€œAdelaide’s right: I’m stealing time from her and the boys. They need to sharpen their keens, too, and you’re the only tutor they’ve got here.”
    â€œYes,” said Mr. Wilfer. “Yes, that’s true.”
    Lottie focused on her hands, clasped in her lap. She was trying to beat down a familiar feeling.
    Useless
, said an unwelcome voice inside.
You’re
useless.
    â€œI’ve been trying to keep the five of you safe,” said Mr. Wilfer. “That will always be my priority. It is a difficult thing, Lottie, to see my children ripped from their home. I desire for them to have the best training, to want for nothing. Thatis impossible here, and the fact constantly troubles my heart. But it should trouble
my
heart, not yours. This is not your doing. King Starkling alone is to blame for his actions. Our current circumstance is his fault, and it is partially mine, too. It is an adult matter, Lottie. There is nothing for you to feel bad about.”
    But it’s my matter, too
, Lottie wanted to