The Dog Said Bow-Wow Read Free Page B

Serendip. The gilding is of gold. Gold has an atomic weight of 197.2.”
    He knocked on the door and opened it.
    The officer of protocol was a dark-browed man of imposing mass. He did not stand for them. “I am Lord Coherence-Hamilton, and this —” he indicated the slender, clear-eyed woman who stood beside him — “is my sister, Pamela.”
    Surplus bowed deeply to the Lady, who dimpled and dipped a slight curtsey in return.
    The protocol officer quickly scanned the credentials. “Explain these fraudulent papers, sirrah. The Demesne of Western Vermont! Damn me if I have ever heard of such a place.”
    “Then you have missed much,” Surplus said haughtily. “It is true we are a young nation, created only seventy-five years ago during the Partition of New England. But there is much of note to commend our fair land. The glorious beauty of Lake Champlain. The gene-mills of Winooski, that ancient seat of learning the
Universitas Viridis Montis
of Burlington, the Technarchaeological Institute of — “ He stopped. “We have much to be proud of, sir, and nothing of which to be ashamed.”
    The bearlike official glared suspiciously at him, then said, “What brings you to London? Why do you desire an audience with the queen?”
    “My mission and destination lie in Russia. However, England being on my itinerary and I a diplomat, I was charged to extend the compliments of my nation to your monarch.” Surplus did not quite shrug. “There is no more to it than that. In three days I shall be in France, and you will have forgotten about me completely.”
    Scornfully, the officer tossed the credentials to the savant, who glanced at and politely returned them to Surplus. The small fellow sat down at a little desk scaled to his own size and swiftly made out a copy. “Your papers will be taken to Whitechapel and examined there. If everything goes well — which I doubt — and there’s an opening — not likely—you’ll be presented to the queen sometime between a week and ten days hence.”
    “Ten days! Sir, I am on a very strict schedule!”
    “Then you wish to withdraw your petition?”
    Surplus hesitated. “I…I shall have to think on’t, sir.”
    Lady Pamela watched coolly as the dwarf savant led them away.
    The room they were shown to had massively framed mirrors and oil paintings dark with age upon the walls, and a generous log fire in the hearth. When their small guide had gone, Darger carefully locked and bolted the door. Then he tossed the box onto the bed, and bounced down alongside it. Lying flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling, he said, “The Lady Pamela is a strikingly beautiful woman. I’ll be damned if she’s not.”
    Ignoring him, Surplus locked paws behind his back, and proceeded to pace up and down the room. He was full of nervous energy. At last, he expostulated, “This is a deep game you have gotten me into, Darger! Lord Coherence-Hamilton suspects us of all manner of black-guardry — “
    “Well, and what of that?”
    “I repeat myself: We have not even begun our play yet, and he suspects us already! I trust neither him nor his genetically remade dwarf.”
    “You are in no position to be displaying such vulgar prejudice.”
    “I am not
bigoted
about the creature, Darger, I
fear
him! Once let suspicion of us into that macroencephalic head of his, and he will worry at it until he has found out our every secret.”
    “Get a grip on yourself, Surplus! Be a man! We are in this too deep already to back out. Questions would be asked, and investigations made.”
    “I am anything but a man, thank God,” Surplus replied. “Still, you are right. In for a penny, in for a pound. For now, I might as well sleep. Get off the bed. You can have the hearth-rug.”
    “I! The rug!”
    “I am groggy of mornings. Were someone to knock, and I to unthinkingly open the door, it would hardly do to have you found sharing a bed with your master.”
    The next day, Surplus returned to the Office of Protocol