The Disappearing Girl Read Free Page B

don’t think I could withstand the temptation.”
    He looked amused by my response. “I’m Cameron.”
    My pulse picked up and I was startled by my instantaneous attraction to him. A guy hadn’t excited me in a long time. I’d had a few casual dates since I went away to college, but nothing that gave me the butterflies I was suddenly experiencing.
    At my silence, he remarked, “Not telling me your name?”
    “It’s nothing personal, I just don’t like credit card sales reps.” I smiled shyly at him to reduce the sting of my words. I was awkward when it came to flirtatious banter. I always envied how easily it came to Brittany and Tami.
    He laughed heartily. “A blanket judgment, but interesting to know.”
    I reached for the clipboard he was holding and he handed me a pen. I could feel his eyes on me as I scribbled my answers in the different fields. If I didn’t know better, I would guess he was scoping me out. I talked myself out of that notion, figuring he was using some sort of sales tactic to get me to sign up. His commission was most likely dependent on how many naïve girls he charmed into filling out applications.
    Once I finished, I held out the clipboard to him. He set it aside and I took the offered bag containing my free t-shirt and mug. “Thanks,” I said, and I turned to go.
    “I’ll be here all week if you feel like stopping back,” he called as I took a few steps away from him.
    I dared a look back. His gray, button-down shirt was tailored exactly to his body and I could make out the ridges of his lean, muscular frame. His hands were stuck inside the pockets of his black pants and he had tilted back on his heels. I wanted to express an interest, but I wasn’t in the right state of mind. My head was a mess and it wasn’t a good time to get romantically involved with anyone.
    I waved to him before hurrying away. Cameron had thrown me off balance. I was the girl who faded in the background, not the one who attracted sexy strangers. My past dates had the same personality I perceived in myself: They were quiet homebodies, more interested in their academic futures than in being social and going to parties. I assumed Cameron was the type of guy that demanded attention, his looks and personality easily overshadowing anyone else in his vicinity.
    My self-confidence was at an all-time low. I’d cast myself in the role of a chubby plain Jane, and the categorization stuck, despite my friends telling me over and over again how pretty they thought I was. I needed to discover a way to feel better about myself.
    As I passed the sandwich shop, I stopped in and bought only an apple and an orange, despite not having anything substantial to eat since the previous afternoon. I reasoned if I lost more weight, maybe I’d feel comfortable again in my own skin. My rationalizations, born out of insecurity, had taken over, and they would guide my every decision going forward.

Chapter Four
    Thoughts of food consumed me, but every bite I took was torture. Guilt gnawed at me and took away any enjoyment I had over the taste of food. I designed convoluted food challenges to help me stave off hunger and offered up the chance to give myself a congratulatory pat on the back once I completed them. For one day, I vowed to eat only raw vegetables. Another day, I committed to skipping breakfast and lunch and only eating dinner. I had fast days, where I didn’t eat anything solid, surviving on water and Diet Coke.
    Each meal was carefully planned out in my head. I took my meals alone, blowing off invitations to join Brittany, Danielle, or Jessica for lunch or dinner. Instead, I ate alone in my room, taking small bites, trying to make the tiny amounts of food last as long as possible. I could make a slice of bread last as long as a three-course meal.
    My first week of classes was hazy. The low amount of calories I was consuming affected my concentration, and I found myself rereading portions of my texts several times until I was