The Color of Joy Read Free Page B

shut as I caressed her limp hand in mine.
    Please, God… Is this some sort of punishment for my past sins? Haven’t I done enough to atone for all that? Or is this some kind of test? Do I still need to prove how sorry I am? What more do You want from me? I thought You’d forgiven me. Why, God? Why this?
    In that moment, Lois’s finger twitched. My heart beat thunderously in my chest as I lifted my head, opened my stinging, bloodshot eyes and searched her face for signs of awareness.
    Her eyes fluttered open. I rose heavily out of my chair to lean over her. “Lois…baby, I’m here.”
    She blinked up at the ceiling for a few seconds, then turned her head on the pillow and nodded weakly.
    Tears filled my eyes as I bent forward to kiss her. My darling, beautiful wife… Thank you, God. Thank you for this, at least.
    “The baby…” Lois whispered. “Is she all right?”
    Carol approached the other side of the bed. “Lois, sweetheart… You’re awake. We’re so glad.”
    She met her mother’s tearful gaze. “Hi, Mom.”
    Carol bent forward to kiss and hug her daughter, and I knew there was so much more beneath this woman’s calm surface. Like me, she was overwhelmingly grateful for Lois’s recovery, yet cognizant of the terrible news we would have to deliver to her—after Lois had already endured so much.
    “What happened?” Lois groggily asked. “Did they do a C-section?”
    “Yes,” I replied, “and they got the baby out. She was okay, but you were losing a lot of blood. You were in bad shape.”
    “Were you there?” she asked.
    I nodded and squeezed her hand. “Of course. It was serious and I was pretty worried, but you pulled through. You were a real fighter, babe, just like always, and Dr. Orlean was amazing. She saved your life.”
    “Sounds pretty dramatic,” Lois said with a tiny smile.
    I’d never loved her more.
    But the love I felt sent a severe burning dread straight to my gut.
    “I’m sorry, but I have to tell you something else,” I said, steeling myself to deliver the first wave of the difficult news. “There were some complications with the surgery.”
    “Is the baby okay?” she asked again.
    “The baby did fine,” I replied, “but Dr. Orlean had to…” I stopped and looked down. “You were hemorrhaging, Lois. She had to do a hysterectomy. I’m so sorry.”
    Lois lay still for a long time with her eyes closed, and I worried she hadn’t understood what I’d just told her. Would I need to describe all the details? Explain the reasons why? Maybe that would be better left to the doctor.
    Then at last my wife opened her eyes, looked at me and spoke. “So I can’t have any more babies?”
    I shook my head.
    Lois breathed deeply and nodded with a quiet acceptance. “I suppose I should consider myself lucky. I’m alive today and I have three beautiful children—children I love. Can I see her?” She was of course referring to our newborn daughter.
    Carol’s eyes met mine from the opposite side of the bed. We shared a look of painful indecision. How would we tell her?
    “Not yet, sweetheart,” Carol finally said, taking hold of her hand. “There’s a bit of a…” She paused and swallowed uneasily. “A situation.”
    Lois frowned. “What kind of situation? I thought you said she was okay.”
    “She is,” I replied. “She was, but…”
    “ Was ?” With a flash of concern, Lois tried to sit up, but winced in pain.
    “Lois, sweetheart,” Carol said as she gently encouraged her daughter to lie back down on the pillows. “You’ve just had major surgery. You need to stay calm.”
    Oh, crap …
    “Stay calm ?” Lois exploded with visible agitation. “What’s going on? What aren’t you telling me?”
    I leaned over her. “I don’t even know how to explain… It’s bad, Lois. The baby was fine after the section. I heard her cry and it was the best sound in the world, but then they had to take her to the nursery while they finished working on you.”
    She