The Collected Shorter Plays Read Free Page A

effort
.] Easy now, easy.
MRS. ROONEY
Wait, for God’s sake, you’ll have me beheaded.
TOMMY
Crouch down, Mrs. Rooney, crouch down, and get your head in the open.
MRS. ROONEY
Crouch down! At my time of life! This is lunacy!
TOMMY
Press her down, sir. [
Sounds of combined efforts
.]
MRS. ROONEY
Pity!
TOMMY
Now! She’s coming! Straighten up, Ma’am! There!
[
Mr. Slocum slams the door
.]
MRS. ROONEY
Am I out?
[
The voice of Mr. Barrell, the station-master, raised in anger
.]
MR. BARRELL
Tommy! Tommy! Where the hell is he? [
Mr. Slocum grinds in his gear
.]
TOMMY
[
hurriedly
] You wouldn’t have something for the Ladies Plate, sir? I was given Flash Harry.
MR. SLOCUM
[
scornfully
] Flash Harry! That carthorse!
MR. BARRELL
[
at top of steps, roaring
] Tommy! Blast your bleeding bloody— [
He sees Mrs. Rooney
.] Oh, Mrs. Rooney. . . .
[
Mr. Slocum drives away in a grinding of gears
.] Who’s that crucifying his gearbox, Tommy?
TOMMY
Old Cissy Slocum.
MRS. ROONEY
Cissy Slocum! That’s a nice way to refer to your betters.
Cissy Slocum! And you an orphan!
MR. BARRELL
[
angrily to Tommy
] What are you doing stravaging down here on the public road? This is no place for you atall! Nip up there on the platform now and whip out the truck! Won’t the twelve thirty be on top of us before we can turn round?
TOMMY
[
bitterly
] And that’s the thanks you get for a Christian act.
MR. BARRELL
[
violently
] Get on with you now before I report you! [
Slow feet of Tommy climbing steps
.] Do you want me to come down to you with the shovel? [
The feet quicken, recede, cease
.] Ah God forgive me, it’s a hard life. [
Pause
.] Well, Mrs. Rooney, it’s nice to see you up and about again. You were laid up there a long time.
MRS. ROONEY
Not long enough, Mr. Barrell. [
Pause
.] Would I were still in bed, Mr. Barrell. [
Pause
.] Would I were lying stretched out in my comfortable bed, Mr. Barrell, just wasting slowly, painlessly away, keeping up my strength with arrowroot and calves-foot jelly, till in the end you wouldn’t see me under the blankets any more than a board. [
Pause
.] Oh no coughing or spitting or bleeding or vomiting, just drifting gently down into the higher life, and remembering, remembering . . . [
the voice breaks
]. . . all the silly unhappiness . . . as though . . . it had never happened. . . . What did I do with that handkerchief? [
Sound of handkerchief loudly applied
.] How long have you been master of this station now, Mr. Barrell?
MR. BARRELL
Don’t ask me, Mrs. Rooney, don’t ask me.
MRS. ROONEY
You stepped into your father’s shoes, I believe, when he took them off.
MR. BARRELL
Poor Pappy! [
Reverent pause
.] He didn’t live long to enjoy his ease.
MRS. ROONEY
I remember him clearly. A small ferrety purple-faced widower, deaf as a doornail, very testy and snappy. [
Pause
.] I suppose you’ll be retiring soon yourself, Mr. Barrell, and growing your roses. [
Pause
.] Did I understand you to say the twelve thirty would soon be upon us?
MR. BARRELL
Those were my words.
MRS. ROONEY
But according to my watch which is more or less right—or was—by the eight o’clock news the time is now coming up to twelve . . . [
pause as she consults her watch
] . . . thirty-six. [
Pause
.] And yet upon the other hand the up mail has not yet gone through. [
Pause
.] Or has it sped by unbeknown to me? [
Pause
.] For there was a moment there, I remember now, I was so plunged in sorrow I wouldn’t have heard a steam roller go over me. [
Pause. Mr. Barrell turns to go
.] Don’t go, Mr. Barrell! [
Mr. Barrell goes. Loud
.] Mr. Barrell! [
Pause. Louder
.] Mr. Barrell! [
Mr. Barrell comes back
.]
MR. BARRELL
[
testily
] What is it, Mrs. Rooney, I have my work to do.
[
Silence. Sound of wind
.]
MRS. ROONEY
The wind is getting up. [
Pause. Wind
.] The best of the day is over. [
Pause. Wind. Dreamily
.] Soon the rain will begin to fall and go on falling, all afternoon. [
Mr. Barrell goes
.] Then at evening the clouds will part, the setting