The Caged Virgin: An Emancipation Proclamation for Women and Islam Read Free Page B

the disproportionately strong emphasis on “manliness” in the Muslim upbringing and because of the physical and mental separation of the sexes, men hardly have the opportunity to develop the communication skills necessary for living harmoniously within a family. It is therefore not surprising that many Muslim women in the Netherlands complain that their husbands seldom talk to them. Muslim marriages, prearranged by the family when the daughter is very young, give men heavy responsibilities that are not of their own choosing—for girls they scarcely know.
    These expectations often breed a lack of self-understanding and a lack of understanding of women. Feelings of anger and powerlessness are common among men. Moreover, if, as a man, you are raised with the idea that it is all right to hit a woman, then the step to using violence is only a small one. At the present time, women’s shelters in the Netherlands have a large influx of Muslim women seeking refuge from violent husbands. Separate shelters for Muslim girls escaping their parental homes have also been set up.
    Ironically, the repression of women is maintained to a large extent by other women. Here is what Fatma Katirci, a Turkish imama (the female worshiper who leads the prayers of women who pray together—on the occasions when they can) in Amsterdam, says about the verse in the Koran that gives men the right to beat their wives: “The conflict cannot be about what will be on the table that night. It has to be about a serious issue, like a question of honor, such as infidelity. If a woman harms the family’s reputation through her behavior…You see, some women learn from just a good talk; others only think better of their actions if the beds are separated, and some are truly neurotic. For the latter, a little slap can be the very last resort to get them to see the error of their ways. Don’t misunderstand me: I’m against it. Beating is degrading, but if there’s really no alternative, then it has to happen.”
    This statement reveals that even educated women often have difficulty relinquishing ideas that have been instilled in them since childhood. In the traditionally oriented Muslim communities, it is often the mothers who keep their daughters under their thumbs and the mothers-in-law who make the lives of their daughters-in-law unbearable. Cousins and aunts gossip endlessly about one another and about others. The effect of this social control is that Muslim women maintain their own repression.

     
    The second reason for my critical stance is the danger that, without the emancipation of Muslim women, the socially disadvantageous position of Muslims will persist in Western countries as well as the entire world. I see a direct link between the poor situation of Muslim women, on the one hand, and the lagging behind of Muslims in education and the job market, their high rate of juvenile delinquency, and their heavy reliance on social services on the other. In reality, the upbringing of Muslim girls denies them personal independence and their own sense of responsibility, values that are essential for getting ahead in a Western country.
    It is a dangerous development that the age at which girls can be married off in a country like the Netherlands, and in every Western country with a major Muslim minority, has dropped in the past few years. To marry someone off is to make a girl or young woman available to a man unknown to her who is then allowed to use her sexually. The younger the bride, the greater the chance she will be a virgin. In essence, what is involved here is an arranged rape approved of by her entire family. Marrying off usually implies the girl is not able or allowed to complete her education. Tragically, countless Muslim girls still have to comply with this practice.
    Girls who are not successful in preserving their virginity or who are afraid (despite the fact that they have never had sex) that they won’t bleed on their wedding night resort to