The Booby Trap and Other Bits and Boobs Read Free Page A

tomorrow morning. I’m not gonna lie, I’m properly shitting myself. Seriously, my hands are actually shaking while I type. I feel really sick, but that might be because I’ve not had anything to eat since lunch – I have to be nil-by-mouth for tomorrow. Leaving a Kinder Bueno in the fridge was a big mistake HA!
    I was really excited up until about ten minutes ago and then reality sort of sunk in. We had a girls’ night tonight – some of my mates came round and I suppose we sort of had a boob party! I’ve done my nails, I’ve had my tan, I got my hair dyed – basically I want everything to be perfect for tomorrow. I want to wake up, stick my lashes on and be like ‘Ta-da! Check ’em out!’ But now everyone’s gone I’m freaking out! I don’t like it!
    Deep breaths! So here’s the technical stuff. I’m getting 250cc silicone implants inserted under the muscle. I saw a couple of doctors and they both said I shouldn’t really go a lot bigger because I’m only little – five two and quite skinny. Obviously I want the girls to be bigger, but I don’t want to look like a Barbie doll either. I went for silicone over saline just because my doctor said they’d be safer … apparently the newer implants
can’t
leak, which is what freaks me out the most. I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen those documentaries where the silicone leaks into the rest of the body and there’re lumps and bumps and black shit everywhere. My doctor said that that just
can’t
happen anymore.
    Right now it’s about midnight. I’m in bed, but there’s no way I’m gonna sleep. I’m wide awake. I would literally kill for a cup of tea, but I’m not allowed. We have to leave here at six thirty to get to the hospital – I live with my sister, so she’s taken the day off work to come with me. She’s fast asleep in the next room. I might honestly just stay awake all night; I’ll probably be less tired – you know like when you pull an all-nighter on a random Thursday out and then power through to the office Friday morning.
    I AM BRICKING IT.
    At my consultation they made me sign one of those ‘if you die during this operation it’s your own stupid fault’ forms – like a disclaimer or whatever they’re called. Some people go under the anaesthetic and just don’t wake up. I must be mad. I actually paid for this.
    Ooh, that’s a good point actually. How much did I pay? I had no idea about how much these things cost until I went to my first appointment. Personally, I’m paying six grand for the op. I love how my doctor explained it was three grand per boob. Like who’s gonna get just one done, right?
    I decided to take out a loan in the end because to save up six grand would have taken
forever
. I had like two thousand pounds saved already but borrowed the rest. I’ll be paying for these puppies for about five years, but I really think it’s gonna be worth it. At the moment, I’m just trying to forget about what the next six weeks are going to be like and just focus on how amazing it’ll be to have perfect boobs.
    I could have saved a shitload of money by going abroad to get them done. Seriously, even with flights and hotels and stuff it would have been cheaper to go to Belgium or somewhere. But I was worried that the hospital would be like something out of
Hostel
though, and I wanted to be near my mum in case something goes wrong. A friend of my mate Abbie went to South Africa for lipo and when she got an infection it ended up costing twice as much to get the aftercare back home, so I was like SOD THAT. Like you get what you pay for.
    I suppose I should describe what they’re like now really. I’ll upload some ‘before’ pics, obviously. I call them Mary-Kate and Ashley cos they’re my twins! Bless ’em, but they’re tiny. I mean like