The Bighead Read Free Page A

That’s right. It went
under for a while, but then she got it back on track.”
    “ You think she’ll give us a
good rate?”
    “ Oh, I think so. I don’t
think she’ll charge us at all.”
    “ That sounds real good. The paper’s
paying for me, but the more I save, the more I can spend on other
things.”
    Charity couldn’t imagine what Jerrica
expected to spend on “other things,” not in Luntville, not in
Russell County. But something distracted her just then, a golden
glint.
    A ring.
    Charity couldn’t help but notice the
diamond ring on Jerrica’s finger as she steered up the long exit to
I-95.
    “ That’s beautiful,” she
said. “You’re engaged?”
    Jerrica seemed to suck her cigarette
hard at the question. “Sort of,” she answered. “I mean, I don’t
really know now.”
    Charity felt captured, but she knew it
was really envy. It wasn’t just Nate and all the other men—it was
more conglomerated than that. She wanted someone to love her,
and—
    Nobody even calls me back
after a first date…
    It’s a beautiful ring,” she said. “I
hope he’s a nice man.”
    “ He is,” Jerrica said,
though it seemed like she’d said it too quickly. “But… I guess the
engagement is off.”
    “ What went wrong?” Charity
dared to ask.
    Jerrica didn’t flinch at
the personal question. If there was one thing Charity could tell
about Jerrica, it was that she liked personal questions. “Don’t
really know. Me, probably. Maybe I’m just not ready for that scene.
I want to be, but…
It’s hard to explain. And you’re right, Micah is a good guy. He
works for a big genetic company, makes good money. And—well,
there’s nothing bad I can say about him. It’s all me, I
guess.”
    Charity wilted a
bit. All me. How
much of her own failures in love had been— All me ? How could she ever really
know?
    Jerrica prattled on, “I’m
hoping this trip will give me time to get my head together. You
know, working in D.C., for the Post, it can weigh you down. Maybe
that’s my problem: I’m too caught up in work that I can’t see the
rest of my life.”
    Charity fully understood, but there
was something…
    What was it?
    She’d sensed it many times
in the past, with many different people. Sometimes she thought she
could merely feel what was on other people’s minds. So that’s why she said what
she said next.
    “ But you love him, don’t
you?”
    Jerrica flicked her half-smoked
cigarette out the side. The beltway blurred past. “Am I that easy
to read?”
    “ Well, yes, I think
so.”
    Another pause, another cigarette.
“You’re right. I do love him. I just don’t know if I even know what
love is. And a lot of times I don’t think I’m worthy of being
loved.”
    “ What a horrible thing to
say!” Charity objected. But, actually, how many times had she felt
that way herself? Sure, she’d sensed Jerrica’s feelings, but that
was all. She didn’t know the entire story, and it wasn’t right for
her to make judgments. Instead, she elected to say, “Well, once
this trip is over, maybe things will work out.”
    Jerrica’s face seemed to harden behind
the wheel. She hadn’t once really looked at Charity, not full in
the face, and maybe there was a reason for that. Charity felt more
emotion wafting off the blond’s head. Guilt. Shame. Disgrace. And
more guilt.
    Let it go, she thought.
    “ We’ll see,” Jerrica
somewhat agreed. “But, for now, I’m not even going to worry about
it. I’m headin’ down the highway, to write my story and see the
country.”
    “ That’s good.”
    “ But-what about you? I
didn’t even ask. Are you married, engaged, have a
boyfriend?”
    “ No to all three,” Charity
glumly replied. “I don’t understand it, but—” It was there that she
chose to cut it off. The last thing Jerrica needed to hear was here
own romantic quandaries. What could she say? I go out with lots of
men, I even sleep with them—but they never call me back? “I guess I
just