The Best Book in the World Read Free Page B

rim. Titus seems tense; perhaps this isn’t really Titus’ sort of place, Eddie thinks. But Eddie is extremely good at getting people to feel at ease, almost to the point of being compliant. He always says that there is no greater challenge than getting a fellow human being to feel good.
    He wonders what they could talk about that would make Titus relax. Eddie is a good judge of character and knows very well that a conversation partner thinks and acts according to three rules of human intercourse: it is boring to talk about you; it is okay to talk about other people; but the best of all options is to only talk about me.
    ‘Where did you actually learn how to read with such fantastic insight? You’ve been to drama school, haven’t you?’
    ‘Uh, no. But I usually read my texts aloud so that they are as close to everyday spoken language as possible. It makes it more lively. Perhaps that has given me a bit of experience. And of course I’ve done lots of these book improvisations now.’
    ‘Is that right? You haven’t been to drama school? Your voice sounds so trained! So incredibly experienced!’
    ‘Oh, I don’t know about that. In that case it must be Philip Morris who has trained my voice,’ says Titus and laughs. ‘And Macallan and Absolut and Aquavit. Yeah, Jesus, those are quite some schools, haha…’
    Eddie smiles when he sees that Titus has finally relaxed.
    ‘So what project are you busy with now?’
    ‘Well, it’s been a while since I wrote anything. Anything that really hung together. But I’ve got lots of fragments.’
    ‘That sounds exciting,’ says Eddie and lets his gaze stray outside the tent.
    ‘Um, in some ways. They are pretty good texts I think. Perhaps. I don’t know. It feels a bit straggly. But it doesn’t sell very well unless you can package the texts in a genre, does it? Who’s goingto buy a book called
Fragments
by Titus Jensen? How many copies does an experimental book sell?’
    ‘No, you are quite right about that!’ shouts Eddie.
    Sales figures are a subject that really gets Eddie going, even though economics and money are normally not topics you would associate with romantic poets. But nobody can eat poems, not even Eddie X.
    ‘It’s just crazy,’ he goes on. ‘You simply
must
have a suitable label if you’re going to sell. I mean, I hardly sell anything either. I don’t get much in royalties each year. I live almost exclusively on what I earn when I perform. And all the T-shirts with my aphorisms of course. It’s just crazy when you think about it.’
    ‘Yeah right, you’re bloody right! You have to fit in under a label to sell! One ought to write… hell, one really ought to write a bestseller…’ says Titus dreamily, and takes a big slurp of his rum.
    ‘Precisely! Exactly. That’s what a bloke should do!’ Eddie chips in, and takes a hefty gulp too. ‘Let’s drink to that, Titus! One really should write a proper bestseller. That’s the bottom line!’
    ‘Umm, nothing more nor less. A smash hit. That’ll sell like ice cream during a heat wave! One of those books that people will talk about for years. That top the lists year after year!’
    ‘Yes, let’s drink to that!’
    ‘A book that’ll be translated into lots of different languages!’
    ‘A book that will win prizes!’
    ‘A book that will be turned into a film!’
    ‘That’ll be put on the stage!’
    ‘That’ll start a new trend!’
    ‘It will indeed!’
    ‘Exactly!’
    ‘Cheers!
    ‘Cheers!’
    Both authors are touchingly in agreement. One ought to write a bestseller. Precisely. Exactly. But how? What sort of book is it that one ought really to write? They sit there in silence for a few moments and concentrate on their drinks. Eddie, of course, is the first to start talking again. He points at Titus’ empty glass.
    ‘Another of the same? I’ve got lots of coupons.’
    ‘Yes please, that would be nice.’
    ‘But meanwhile you can reflect upon what the book should be about,’