The Ask Read Free Page A

died in the camps,” she said.
    Most of Hilda’s utterances weren’t so venomous. Most of her evil she must have withheld.
    Now I took a booth near the window, watched the afternoon bridge traffic. Trucks piled up at the off-ramp, trailer sides browned with exhaust.
    Not long ago Bernie said “beep-beep” every time he heard a car horn. Later his favorite word was “mine.” Now he was fluent in the cant of his tiny world. His leaps in speech had seemed otherworldly. What else was he mastering behind our backs? Little Judas. Maura and I had worked so hard to dig the family ditch for the three of us to rot in and now here came the rope of language to haul the boy out. “Beep-beep” begets “Mine,” which begets “I hate you, Dad.” Then, if you’re lucky, there’s a quick “I love you, Dad,” followed by “Let go, Dad,” these last words whispered under the thrum of ventilators, EKG machines.
    My father had been that lucky.
    Some natty loon sat alone at the next table. He wore a pilled herringbone blazer, crusty at the cuffs, guarded a shopping bag packed with neatly folded shopping bags. A notebook lay open on his table. It looked full of sketches, apothegms. His pen still had the wire on it from where he’d maybe snipped it at the bank. The loon muttered, picked white scabs on his head.
    I could picture my colleagues back at the Mediocre development suite, Horace at his desk, unwrapping the outer, non-edible wrapping of his turkey wrap, Vargina holed up in her command nook, poring over ask dossiers and budget spreads, Llewellyn patched in from Zanzibar with the skinny on a give.
    But I was at my new office now, my Formica workstation smeared with jelly and Bavarian cream. This scab-picker was my potential partner. We could make an ace development combo.And the ask? Maybe the ask was that boy over there at the far booth, the one with fluorescent earbuds, a forehead full of leaky cysts. There was a horrible glitter in his eyes that looked like murder, or maybe just higher math.
    The loon caught me staring at the boy, winked.
    “What was that for?” I said.
    The loon winked again. Teen brooder stood. I felt the glare of the leaky child, decided to meet the boy’s gaze, try my best to transmit this thought: I’m not the enemy, just an earlier iteration of our kind .
    “Goddamn fucking faggots!” the boy shouted, careened out the door.
    Poor kid was a wild child, a homophobe. He might as well have been illiterate, guessing at supermarket signage. For all my adolescent rage, I had never included the marginalized or oppressed in my dream carnage. I never said gypped, or Indian giver, or paddy wagon, or accused anyone of welshing on a bet. If there ever evolved a tradition of locutions such as “She tried to tranny me on that real estate deal,” you would not hear them out of my mouth. I never even called myself a yid with that tribal swagger I envied in others, though I had a right, or half a right, from my mother’s side. I nearly spoke this truth aloud when the loon cackled.
    “Don’t mind the boy,” he said. “I’ve known him since he was a child. A marvelous little specimen.”
    The man’s voice had odd nasal authority. He sounded like some mandarin of vintage radio, and hearing him I suddenly recalled certain items from my childhood, a particular carton of laundry detergent, the mouthfeel of a discontinued cola.
    The man dove back into his notebooks, his boy doodles and prurient runes. Even from here his sketches looked quite accomplished and insane.
    Maybe someday he’d be heralded, a folk museum folk hero.
    Maybe someday Bernie, still getting over his father’s untimelybut somehow not surprising death, would take his new girlfriend to see the disturbed but brilliant drawings by the kiddie-diddler who spent most of his adult life guarding a shopping bag full of shopping bags in a doughnut shop not far from where he, Bernie, grew up, but who also, unbeknownst to the world, inhabited a