The (Almost) Perfect Guide To Imperfect Boys Read Free Page B

idea.) He’d chew them a little, get them soft and semiliquidy, then dangle them out of his mouth until people (specifically, female people) screamed, “Eww, Zachary, stop!”
    Obnoxious, right?
    And beyond-Tadpole immature.
    One time he almost kissed me like that.
    Well, okay, it wasn’t intentional; he had leftover gummy spit on his face and he kind of bumped into me at the lockers. And when I turned my head to see who was stepping on my heel, Zachary’s sticky lips were right there.
    â€œOh,” he said. “Sorry.”
    â€œWash your face,” I snapped. “And watch where you’re going!”
    Which probably sounded like his mom or something, because he turned bright red.
    â€œZachary’s kissing Finley,” Jarret sang. “Zachary’s kissing—”
    â€œYour butt,” Kyle announced, and everybody started laughing.
    In seventh grade, our third year at Fulton Middle, Zachary finally stopped the dangling-gummy routine, but not the obnoxious jokes. Or the general social cluelessness. Chloe started having these huge-ormous parties in her basement (which is like half the size of the Fulton Middle School gym) and Zachary would just show up. Uninvited. People ignored him the first few times, but by the fourth party Chloe was furious. She waited until he was standing by the pizza; then she came over and said loudly, in front of like a dozen people, “Um, Zachary? Did someone ask you here? Because you know, I didn’t .”
    â€œBut I did,” Maya lied. Not because she felt sorry for him, she told me afterward, but because she hated how all of a sudden Chloe was acting like Miss Seventh Grade.
    Except Zachary didn’t even get that he was being saved. He didn’t look at Maya, or thank her, he just took a huge gulp of Fanta, burped loudly, and commented, “Nice party for someone with deginitis .” Then he stood there guffawing like it was the most hilarious joke in the world.
    So naturally everyone kept thinking: Total Loser.
    Because let’s face it, he was. I mean, even by seventh-grade Tadpole standards.
    But the exact way he went from Total Loser to Freakazoid was something I never really knew, mainly because I’d stopped paying attention. That was because for some warped reason I still can’t figure out, I was suddenly madly, hopelessly in crush with Kyle Parker. (It didn’t even bother me that he was a Croaker with skin issues, or that he talked about nothing except boring football.) The crush was absolutely over by spring break last year, but it kept me from noticing other boys there for a while.
    Anyway, my point is, for most of last year pretty much all that registered about Zachary was the Official Gossip. Namely, that he’d “freaked out” during some kind of fight with Jarret (as in, throwing things, throwing punches, generally “acting freaky”). During that fight, Jarret started calling him Freakazoid, and everyone else immediately followed. And according to the Official Gossip, Jarret’s parents showed up at school the next day, demanding that Fisher-Greenglass kick Zachary out.
    So she did.
    At least, that’s what everybody said.
    After that no one saw him. Somebody’s mom (I think maybe Kyle’s) talked to Zachary’s mom in the A&P and found out there were “family difficulties,”which sounded like a polite way of saying “divorce.” Somebody mean (I’m pretty sure Jarret) said that maybe when Zachary’s parents split up, they flipped a coin to see who’d get stuck with Zachary. And Zachary’s dad lost, so Zachary went off to live with him somewhere. Or maybe they’d shipped him off to Loser School, Chloe said. Like on another planet.
    But whatever happened, here he was again now, back at Fulton Middle, as if he thought all would be forgiven. Or forgotten. Which, I’m sorry, was just insane.
    I mean, if he wasn’t crazy before,