The Affair of the Mutilated Mink Read Free Page A

said, 'I'm afraid I haven't had the pleasure to know—'
    'A pleasure it most certainly ought to be. But I'm afraid you are not going to find it so.'
    'Mr Gilbert, if you could kindly state your business—'
    'My business, sir, is this.' Gilbert thrust the newspaper under Haggermeir's nose. It was folded to show a photo of a smiling Rex Ransom, surrounded by autograph-hunters. The caption beneath it read:
    Rex Ransom, the American film star, who arrived in London yesterday. Mr Ransom and the well-known producer, Mr Cyrus Haggermeir, are in England to make arrangements for their next picture, a Civil War drama to be called 'The King's Man.'
    Haggermeir said: 'Yes, I saw that. What about it?'
    ' What about it ?' Gilbert cast his eyes heavenwards. 'Jupiter's teeth! It may interest you mildly to know that this film you so blithely announce you are going to make is my property. I own the copyright. I wrote it.'
    Haggermeir snapped his fingers. 'Of course! Arlington Gilbert! I thought the name rang a bell.'
    Gilbert gave a snort of disgust. 'Absolutely typical. One sweats blood creating a work that they tell you is 'great' or 'the cat's whiskers,' and which is then locked away for years in some vault. When they do eventually deign to produce it they've forgotten your very name.'
    'Well, it has been a long time. And I don't think we ever met—'
    'True. You sent your underlings to deal with me - assistant producers, associate producers, lawyers - all the faceless men. But I fought them all and I retained the copyright. What's more, I obtained a contract which states that any rewrites necessary shall be done by me.'
    Haggermeir scratched his chin. 'Well, it seems our script department may have goofed on this, and I'm sorry you had to read about it in the papers.'
    Gilbert waved the apology aside. 'I am interested in only one thing: how much are you going to pay me for adapting the scenario into a talkie?'
    'Ah.' Haggermeir looked a little embarrassed. 'Well, that's something that'll have to be discussed. Will you take my word that—'
    'No. I won't take your word for anything, Mr Haggermeir. I want everything down in black and white.'
    Haggermeir flushed. 'I don't know what you expect to gain by insulting me—'
    'Insult you, sir?' Gilbert drew himself up to his full height. 'How is it possible for me , a creative artist and therefore one of the noblest of earth's creatures, to insult you who by definition are a villain of the deepest dye?'
    'Look here, you've no right to say things like that—'
    'I have every right. I have learnt from bitter experience that every film producer - and every theatrical impresario, publisher, editor, literary agent, accountant, lawyer and tax inspector on earth - is a rogue and a vagabond. A bloodsucker. A leech.'
    Thoroughly angry by now, Haggermeir stepped forward and jabbed a finger into the other's chest.
    'Now, get this, Gilbert—'
    'Sir, my friends call me Arlington. Others call me Mr Gilbert.'
    There was a pause. Then Haggermeir chuckled. 'If your writing's as plagiaristic as your speech, you got a fat chance of doing the script. That was a straight lift from Oscar Wilde.'
    For the first time Gilbert looked disconcerted. Haggermeir spotted this. 'Oh, I read sumpin' else besides screenplays and balance sheets.'
    'Congratulations. Now to revert: my fee.'
    At that moment a knock came at the door. With some relief, Haggermeir called, 'Come in.' Gilbert swore.
    The door opened and the head of a middle-aged man peered diffidently into the room.
    'Yeah?' Haggermeir barked.
    'Oh.' The head's eyes blinked. 'Mr Haggermeir?'
    'Yes, yes.' Haggermeir spoke irritably.
    'Ah, capital. Er, spare a moment?'
    'I'm very busy. What's it about?'
    'Well, I wondered if I could talk to you about—'
    'Well, come in, man! Don't yell at me from the doorway.'
    'Oh, thanks.' An untidily dressed body followed the head into the room. 'Sorry to interrupt, my dear chap, but I wanted a word about The King's Man !
    Haggermeir