That Dirty Dog and Other Naughty Stories for Good Boys and Girls Read Free

bad.
    But now everyone knew. Stinky Adams did smells that were sick-making.
    The trouble was that Stinky enjoyed doing smells. It gave him a feeling of power, and relief, of course. It made him smile. If Stinky found himself surrounded by people choking and kids throwing up, it was a good day.
    Of course, Mrs Hammond, the school principal, was not happy. She called Stinky into her office.
    â€˜I’m not quite sure how to put this,’ said Mrs Hammond, ‘but it’s come to my attention that you have a small problem downstairs.’
    Stinky didn’t understand.
    â€˜A problem with wind,’ continued Mrs Hammond. ‘In fact, if I’m to believe the stories, your wind is bordering on scary. “Like a punch in the face” is how one of our teachers described it. It has to stop. Diet can be a big help. Tell me what you had for breakfast this morning.’

    â€˜Mum says I need building up, so she’s been giving me big breakfasts,’ replied Stinky. ‘Today I had stewed prunes, then leftover cauliflower cheese and cabbage fried like hash browns, two eggs, bacon, two pork sausages, a whole can of baked beans…’
    â€˜Enough, enough!’ said Mrs Hammond.
    â€˜Oh, no,’ said Stinky.
    â€˜What?’ asked Mrs Hammond.
    â€˜Talking about food like that gets me excited. I think I’ve just done another smell,’ said Stinky.
    Now, smelling a fluff out in the open is one thing, but trying to get away from it in a small space like a principal’s office is another.
    Mrs Hammond didn’t even make it to the door. The last thing she remembered was being hit by a stench that was almost too bad to describe. ‘Try to imagine,’ she said later to the ambulance officer, ‘opening the back doors of a truck that has been sitting in the hot sun for two weeks – and finding a dead elephant inside.’
    Mrs Hammond was only away for a week, but in that time the school really changed. And all because of Stinky. Kids were organised to track his movements during lunchtime so they could warn others to steer clear of him and, just like fire drills, teachers taught everyone how to leave the building quickly and safely if Stinky let one go inside.
    Mrs Hammond didn’t dare call Stinky into her office for another chat – one brush with death was enough – so, until Stinky’s old school was rebuilt, they would just have to put up with him. Kids began wearing coats inside because the windows were always open, and some even had gas masks that their parents had bought for them.
    Then one day, Mrs Hammond got some even worse news. The government had decided to test every kid in the country so that they could work out which were the best and worst schools.
    Mrs Hammond was immediately against the idea because it was so unfair. Schools in some areas might have a lot of kids whose parents worked long hours to put food on the table, which might mean they didn’t have much time to help their kids with schoolwork and reading and stuff. And other parents might be in trouble or going through a really hard time. So when the test results came through, that school would get a bad rating – even if the teachers were doing a fantastic job helping those kids to keep up. Which made it a good school!
    â€˜So,’ said Mrs Hammond to her teachers, ‘our school is not going to take part in this test because it’s wrong.’
    â€˜But the government will insist,’ said Mr Brown, one of the teachers. ‘Won’t you be putting your job at risk?’
    â€˜I don’t care,’ said Mrs Hammond.
    â€˜There might be another way,’ said Mr Brown, looking slightly nervous. ‘But it’s disgusting.’
    Well, Mr Brown’s idea was worse than disgusting. But Mrs Hammond agreed to it. She had no choice.
    Mr Brown’s plan was this: the government would definitely send someone along to supervise the test, to make sure