Tell No One Read Free Page B

how we used to go out and scope hot babes together?”
    “I never scoped hot babes.”
    “Oh, right, that was me. Go get your coat.”
    On the way back to my office, one of the mothers gave me a big smile and pulled me aside. “She’s even more beautiful in person,” she whispered.
    “Eh,” I said.
    “Are you and she …” The mother made a together motion with her hands.
    “No, she’s already involved with someone,” I said.
    “Really? Who?”
    “My sister.”
    We ate at a crummy Chinese restaurant with a Chinese waiter who spoke only Spanish. Shauna, dressed impeccably in a blue suit with a neckline that plunged like Black Monday, frowned. “Moo shu pork in a tortilla shell?”
    “Be adventurous,” I said.
    We met our first day of college. Someone in the registrar’s office had screwed up and thought her name was Shaun, and we thus ended up roommates. We were all set to report the mistake when we started chatting. She bought me a beer. I started to like her. A few hours later, we decided to give it a go because our real roommates might be assholes.
    I went to Amherst College, an exclusive small-Ivy institution in western Massachusetts, and if there is apreppier place on the planet, I don’t know it. Elizabeth, our high school valedictorian, chose Yale. We could have gone to the same college, but we discussed it and decided that this would be yet another excellent test for our relationship. Again, we were doing the mature thing. The result? We missed each other like mad. The separation deepened our commitment and gave our love a new distance-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder dimension.
    Nauseating, I know.
    Between bites, Shauna asked, “Can you baby-sit Mark tonight?”
    Mark was my five-year-old nephew. Sometime during our senior year, Shauna started dating my older sister, Linda. They had a commitment ceremony seven years ago. Mark was the by-product of, well, their love, with a little help from artificial insemination. Linda carried him to term and Shauna adopted him. Being somewhat old-fashioned, they wanted their son to have a male role model in his life. Enter me.
    Next to what I see at work, we’re talking
Ozzie and Harriet.
    “No prob,” I said. “I want to see the new Disney film anyway.”
    “The new Disney chick is a babe and a half,” Shauna said. “Their hottest since Pocahontas.”
    “Good to know,” I said. “So where are you and Linda going?”
    “Beats the hell out of me. Now that lesbians are chic, our social calendar is ridiculous. I almost long for the days when we hid in closets.”
    I ordered a beer. Probably shouldn’t have, but one wouldn’t hurt.
    Shauna ordered one too. “So you broke up with what’s-her-name,” she said.
    “Brandy.”
    “Right. Nice name, by the way. She have a sister named Whiskey?”
    “We only went out twice.”
    “Good. She was a skinny witch. Besides, I got someone perfect for you.”
    “No, thanks,” I said.
    “She’s got a killer bod.”
    “Don’t set me up, Shauna. Please.”
    “Why not?”
    “Remember the last time you set me up?”
    “With Cassandra.”
    “Right.”
    “So what was wrong with her?”
    “For one thing, she was a lesbian.”
    “Christ, Beck, you’re such a bigot.”
    Her cell phone rang. She leaned back and answered it, but her eyes never left my face. She barked something and flipped the mouthpiece up. “I have to go,” she said.
    I signaled for the check.
    “You’re coming over tomorrow night,” she pronounced.
    I feigned a gasp. “The lesbians have no plans?”
    “I don’t. Your sister does. She’s going stag to the big Brandon Scope formal.”
    “You’re not going with her?”
    “Nah.”
    “Why not?”
    “We don’t want to leave Mark without us two nights in a row. Linda has to go. She’s running the trust now. Me, I’m taking the night off. So come over tomorrow night, okay? I’ll order in, we’ll watch videos with Mark.”
    Tomorrow was the anniversary. Had Elizabeth lived,we’d be