Sweet Damage Read Free Page B

‘Patrick’s not here,’ she says after a moment.
    â€˜He’s not?’
    â€˜We kind of had a bit of a fight when you left.’
    â€˜You did?’
    â€˜Patrick reckons I act different when you’re around,’ she says. ‘He reckons I’ve still got a thing for you.’
    Against my better judgement, my resolve to accept that Lilla and I are a thing of the past, my heartbeat picks up and a little coil of hope expands in my chest. I try not to feel – let alone show – anything. I try very hard to keep my expression blank.
    â€˜We haven’t broken up or anything. I still like him, Tim. God. Don’t get any ridiculous ideas. I guess he’s just picking up on some . . . I don’t know . . . old residual feelings. Leftovers or something.’
    â€˜Leftovers?’
    â€˜Something like that.’
    I stare at her. I drink half my beer in one quick gulp. I should drop it, change the subject, save myself from humiliation. But I don’t. Can’t. It’s as if I’ve started running down a too-steep hill and just can’t stop, no matter how much I want to, no matter how much it’s going to hurt when I hit the bottom.
    â€˜So?’ I say, gripping my beer bottle tightly to hide the shake in my fingers. ‘The idea of us being together again is ridiculous, is it?’
    She gives me a look. I can’t tell if it’s pity or reproach. ‘Don’t, Tim. Don’t even go there.’
    I drain the rest of my beer.
    â€˜Anyway,’ Lilla says, her voice false and bright. ‘Getting back to safer topics of conversation, what’s the girl like? Your new flatmate?’
    â€˜Her name’s Anna. And she’ll be my landlady, not my flatmate,’ I say shortly. I stand up. ‘And now, if it’s okay with you, I need to take a shower.’

4
    I WAKE EARLY THE NEXT MORNING, AFTER A LOT OF TOSSING AND turning and not much actual sleep. I get dressed and pack my stuff – which basically involves rolling up my sleeping bag and shoving my clothes into a backpack, finding my small collection of books and putting my laptop in its case. I leave a brief note for Lilla and walk down to the bus stop.
    The day is still cool enough to make it pleasant sitting in the sun and despite the depressing conversation I had with Lilla the night before, I’m feeling purposeful and optimistic. At least now I know where I stand. I just have to remember that, and not get sucked into hoping for more.
    When I arrive at Fairview and push the fancy gate open I feel like some kind of imposter. I get around in old shorts, a T-shirt and a pair of cheap rubber thongs. I’m pretty sure I don’t look like the kind of person who’d live in a house like this.
    Anna answers the doorbell almost immediately.
    â€˜Man, that was fast,’ I laugh. ‘You must have been watching out the window.’
    I’m joking but she blushes, looks down.
    â€˜I was expecting you,’ she says.
    She’s dressed in the same shapeless clothes she was wearing yesterday. Her hair is pulled back from her face. I notice again how young she looks, with her timid expression and her hands clasped together.
    Getting inside is tricky. Anna stands there, blocking the door, until I have to say, ‘Excuse me.’
    She steps aside and reaches out, as if to help me with my bags, but then puts her arm down without taking anything.
    â€˜I’m right,’ I say.
    She follows silently as I walk through the dark hallway. I put my things down at the bottom of the staircase and turn to face her.
    â€˜I might just go up and put my stuff away.’
    â€˜You remember where to go?’
    â€˜Yeah. Of course. Thanks.’
    I leave her hesitating at the bottom of the stairs and head up to my room. It only takes a few minutes to unpack. I put my clothes in the wardrobe, place my books and my laptop on the desk and shove my empty backpack and sleeping