Suicide Girls In The AfterLife Read Free Page B

apple bobbing up and down in her throat. And now that I’m thinking about it, her voice is an octave or so too low.
   The fact that she’s really a dude is only of passing interest to me. “Nice to meet you…uh…Ms. Stardust.”
   “This sucks,” Katina blurts abruptly. “It’s not fair! I have to go to hell for killing myself, even though I didn’t really kill myself?”
   “I don’t make the rules, sweetheart,” Ms Stardust says, examining her long red fingernails. “I just follow ‘em.”
   “Hell?” I say, alarmed. I look at Salvadore. “What is she talking about hell for?”
   He looks down at his watch. “Would you look at the time? I can’t believe how far behind I’m running!” And before I can stop him, he walks briskly through the lobby and out through the revolving doors.
   I stare after him, my jaw hanging. “That son of a bitch.”
   Ms. Stardust barks a laugh. “Honey, you’re lucky he took time out of his busy schedule to escort you over here. He almost never lowers himself for the suicides.”
   “What do you mean?”
   “Oh, that Salvadore. He usually does the rich white people who died old. Or sometimes young ones, if they were in tip-top condition and had nothing to do with their own deaths, which according to the rules, amounts to pretty much the same thing.”
   “I’m not following you,” I say.
   “Look,” Ms. Stardust says, addressing both Katina and I. “Pretty much everyone is considered a suicide. The only ones who aren’t, are the ones who could afford to take care of themselves, you see what I’m saying? Rich folks that could go to their fancy-ass gyms, buy the best organic foods, get the best medical care. Those are the folks that are in the luxury suites right this very minute and those are the folks old Sally escorts over here. You were just a fluke, honey.”
   I try to absorb what she’s saying and can’t quite make it work in my head.
   Katina says, “So, in other words, the rich people own fucking heaven too? What the fuck is up with that? That’s not right!”
   Ms. Stardust says, “Umm hmm. Death is no fairer than life, sweetheart. Don’t let anybody tell you different.” The she turns to Mustache Man and starts getting Katina checked in while Katina and I eye each other with morbid curiosity.
   “You really offed yourself then, huh?”
   I nod. “But I had my reasons.”
   “No reason is a good enough reason,” Ms. Stardust says over her shoulder.
   Katina reaches into the pocket of her gray hoodie and pulls out a pack of gum. Juicy Fruit. Thoughtfully, she unwraps a piece and then offers me the pack. I accept and by the time Ms. Stardust has returned her attention to us, we are both merrily chewing away and not talking.
   Ms. Stardust hands Katina her keycard. “You’re on the sixth floor. Room 544.”
   I pause in my chewing. “I’m on the fifth floor.”
   Arching an eyebrow at me, Ms. Stardust says, “Is that right? Honey, I’m surprised you’re not on the first or second.”
   “Because I killed myself on purpose?”
   “That’s right.”
   “And Katina here killed herself by accident, so she gets to be on a higher floor.”
   “Now you’re catching on. And you know what? I’d love to stay here and chit-chat with you lovely girls all night long, but my shift isn’t over yet and I got more junkies to claim.”
   Still chewing her gum, Katina asks, “Are you a grim reaper or what?”
   Ms. Stardust puts her hands on her hips and looks down at Katina, her face scrunched into a frown. “Now, why would you want to go insult me like that? Do I look like a grim reaper to you?”
   “Well, no, but…how should we know what a grim reaper looks like? It’s not like I’ve ever been dead before.”
   “Umm hmm,” Ms. Stardust says, still looking perturbed. “Anyway, you ladies enjoy your stay here at the Sterling