Shades of Obsession Read Free Page B

cannot. I want him to go, I want him gone, because I am trying hard enough to
keep things normal for the kids, I am trying hard enough to survive, it was
already agony, even before Luke returned to my life.
    ‘Is he always
that much of a dickhead?’ Luke asks about Rick.
    ‘Always.’
    I am leaning on
the counter, but it’s not quite so innocent now that he’s here. I know his eyes
are on me but scariest of all, I know the effect he has on me, that he could
lift my skirt and take me now, or drop to the floor and suck and lick me and I
would let him.
      It’s that potent.
    But he does
nothing, and I should be relieved, because I cannot ruin the boys’ lives, I am
only here for them.
    I look at the
circle of chairs and he goes to head back out of the door, but as he does he
pauses. ‘Kills, doesn’t it?’
    ‘What?’
    ‘Normal.’
    I know what he
means because I look out to the nodding heads, to people that I don’t feel I
belong with, and this is their normal.
    It isn’t ours.
    This is enough
for them.
    It isn’t for us.
    ‘Luke…’ My voice
shivers as I say it - I love his name, I love that word and to be able to say
it now, to be able to voice his name and to see him respond, to have him here
in the flesh, to watch him turn around, to meet his eyes again, and yes, normal
is killing me.
    ‘Can we…’
    ‘It’s not going
to happen Portia.’ He warns me.
    But it is.
    I watch him head
back out there and I know that it is.
    It has to.
    It can’t not happen, because I am more turned on that I have been
in years, I am so turned on and he glances over and he catches the flare in my
eyes. I walk off, I go outside and I stand and I drag in the night air,
and I wait, and I wait and I wait. My head is begging him to excuse himself
from the meeting, to come out right now and take me here, or maybe I should
have waited in the toilets, I go back to head in, to find where he is…. but
then I fold over and nearly break down, because this is my kids’ school, my husband’s
workplace, this where I could have been caught had Luke come out and I am ashamed,
I am so weak.
    It’s cruel that
he’s back, it kills that he’s back, it is agony to head back inside and to see
the anger in Luke’s eyes as I walk back in.
    Someone from
school canteen is asking if they can have a larger float, they are trying to
explain that there is a lot of time wasted, as they have to keep coming and
asking for money…
    ‘I don’t like to
have too much cash floating around.’ Rick says. ‘I know it can be a little
inconvenient at times…’ he is so fucking patronising, so obsessed with money,
and he’s the same here as he is at home - as if no-one but him can be trusted.
He drones on and on, about receipts, about how he is as careful with the school’s
money as if it were his own and I’m guessing, by the set of Luke’s jaw, that he
gets now why I’m reduced to stealing lube. I hate my husband and I just don’t
get it - why the women all hang on his every word and the men seem impressed by
him.
    Why?
    Rick makes my
skin crawl. He feeds off all the admiration from the mothers and he flirts with
them, just enough that they feel a bit special and I just can’t wait till I’m
gone, I can’t wait to tell the narcissistic prick that I’m out of here.
    ‘Let’s put it to
a vote.’ Rick says.
    He’s so
diplomatic – not! Because now that he’s said his piece no-one will vote against him – even the person who suggested a larger float looks
hesitant to raise their hand against him.
    Luke does.
    I watch Natasha
shoot him a look, I see her shoulders tense and her ears and cheeks go pink at
her husband’s defiance.
      ‘Sorry!’ Rick says. ‘You have to be on
the committee to vote.’
    Rick is furious;
I can feel it, especially when, as the meeting concludes, Luke goes over to
him.
    I don’t hang
around to watch, I just hear about it later as we get ready for bed. ‘He’s
asked for an application to join the