Set Me Alight Read Free Page B

completely engulfed in flames. Another time he had a knife sticking out of his back, his body covered in bloody bandages and his wrists bound. I think I saw the crushed body of his son sitting next to him, trying to take a drink but his crushed throat wouldn't allow it. Paul wasn't wrong, looking at his son was like looking in a mirror. That is, if the image of a man I’ve never met in one of my own dreams is anything to go by.
    When I finally awoke, I reached for the nearest bottle. Empty, everything was empty. Not the best start to my day. My head was killing me, and I had nothing to calm it down and wipe those dreams from my head. I stumbled around looking for some cash. I couldn't find anything. Just the lock box under my tent. On the box I could still read Jon's handwriting, ‘Save it for a rainy day’. It wasn't raining, but if it's always 5 o'clock somewhere, it’s always raining somewhere too, right? Screw it, I thought, I don't need to make excuses to myself. I wanted to get drunk, even if it meant wasting everything I'd earned up to that point. There was a combination lock on the box, and I'd be damned if I could remember the combo. I figured I'd have to break it open, though I lacked any real tools to break the lock. I slept on top of enough rocks, one of them should have been good enough to break open that cheap lock. I'd have to dig in the ground under the tarp to get to them.
    What the hell was I doing? Digging in the winter earth with my bare hands just to get some cash to stupefy myself for a few hours? That couldn't have been the only thing I was good for. Fuck. The headache was killing me, and my bowels felt like they were taking a ride on a roller coaster. Was I even enough of a man to go through alcohol withdrawal at that point? I couldn't remember the last day I didn't get drunk. The collective hangover could have quite literally killed me.
    Screw it, I thought. I took a walk downtown. The old man was right. I wasn't going to survive much longer if I continued on as I had been. I needed a change, but firefighting? That's dangerous, hard work. I guess shoveling around toxic waste all day isn't that great for you either, but at least it didn't involve being burned alive. Just the slow death from inhaling carcinogens all day long. I'd be making near four times as much as I did then if I became a fire fighter. If the old man was everything he claimed, I might just have a shot at making a living out of it. Something one day I can look back on and think “Yeah, I could have done worse things with my life”. The American Dream.
    I had arrived at the forests service building. I convinced myself it was purely by accident. I was just "out for a walk." I started to snoop around the building, looking inside the window. It looked like there was only one person inside. I guess that kind of made sense, though. It's not like they're going to make everyone work in the God damned lobby viewable from the outside. This is it, I thought, I'm going in. I had five seconds to work up my courage. If I turned tail and ran, only one homely looking old lady was going to see me in my humiliation. Not a huge dint to my pride, but enough to have made it sting a little. I opened the door and stepped inside. I walked up to the old lady and said, “Hi, I'm here to see Paul. Is he in today?”
    “Hold on one minute. Please have a seat over there.”
    This was going to be just great. I was going to sit there and wait with my thumb up my ass only to find out she'd never heard of anyone named Paul. If there was one thing I could always count on, it was that nothing ever worked out for me. Regret and disappointment. That was all I'd ever have in my miserable life. Maybe one day I could experience hope and fulfillment and a sense of accomplishment. Probably at the same time I experienced the sweet release of death.
    “Hey there, kid, have you decided to take up my offer?”
    “Yes.”

Chapter 2
    Paul was one tough bastard. Every day