Selby's Shemozzle Read Free Page A

charities. You’re the sort of people whoeveryone
thinks
are honest. When you give one of your fake banknotes to someone in a shop, they don’t hold it up to the light or look at it carefully, because they trust you.’
    â€˜B-B-But we’re not forgers,’ Mrs Trifle said.
    â€˜They’re certainly not!’ Selby thought.
    â€˜Which is what you people always say,’ said the captain. ‘You deny everything. That’s why I know you’re guilty.’
    â€˜You know we’re guilty because we say we’re innocent?’ Dr Trifle asked.
    â€˜Exactly!’
    â€˜Then we’re crooks,’ Dr Trifle said. ‘We’re forgers. We’re guilty. What do you say to that?’
    â€˜Aha! So you admit it! I knew you’d crack. This is the quickest confession I’ve ever got.’
    â€˜No, no, he was kidding!’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘We have nothing to hide. Go ahead, search the house.’
    â€˜Yeah,’ Selby thought. ‘Go ahead and search the house. Wait — what am I saying? No!
Don’t
search the house!’
    â€˜Is this a trick?’ the captain said. ‘Forgers never hide the money in their own houses. They bury it in biscuit tins so that if anyone finds it they don’t know whose it is. But goahead, boys, you heard the mayor — search the house. Maybe you’ll find the printing plates they use to print the money.’
    â€˜Oh, woe woe,’ Selby thought. ‘Why didn’t I just leave that money where I found it?’
    â€˜I’ve been watching this town for ten years, since you started spending your funny money,’ said the captain. ‘You stopped last December, but you didn’t fool me. I knew that sooner or later the Laughing Lady would show up again.’
    â€˜The Laughing Lady?’ asked Mrs Trifle.
    â€˜Here’s a proper twenty-dollar note and here’s one of yours,’ the captain said. ‘Yours is almost a perfect copy. But when you made your printing plates, you made one tiny mistake. Look at the lady in the picture — you made her mouth curve up a tiny bit. It looks like she’s laughing.’
    â€˜How interesting,’ Dr Trifle said, studying the banknotes.
    One of the police officers came out of the house.
    â€˜We found it,’ he said. ‘A whole stack of Laughing Ladies hidden under some things in the workroom. It was the first place we looked.’
    â€˜Okay, Dr and Mrs Trifle,’ the captain said. ‘Now tell us where you’ve hidden the printing plates. Those won’t be buried in the ground because they’d rust. But we know they’re here somewhere.’
    â€˜What’s going on here?’ cried Melanie Mildew, making her way through the police line, followed by Postie Paterson. ‘What are you doing to the Trifles?’
    â€˜We’re arresting them for making money.’
    â€˜You can’t arrest people for making money,’ Melanie said. ‘They make plenty of money. So what? They’ve been doing it for years.’
    â€˜Just as I thought.’
    â€˜You don’t understand,’ Postie Paterson said. ‘The Trifles are the most honest people in the whole town.’
    â€˜And what brings you two here?’ the captain asked. ‘Are you part of their gang?’
    â€˜Gang?!’ Melanie exclaimed. ‘We’re not part of any gang. Mrs Trifle said she’d give us some dough today.’
    â€˜Some dough? So you were helping them pass off the Laughing Ladies.’
    â€˜I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ said Postie. ‘It was bread. Mrs Trifle makes lots of bread.’
    â€˜I’ve heard enough,’ the police captain said. ‘Take the Trifles away, guys. And take these two away for questioning as well.’
    â€˜Oh, woe woe woe,’ Selby said to himself. ‘I was only trying to help and I created a terrible shemozzle. I should have