Selby Sorcerer Read Free Page A

sister,’ Selby said, lowering his voice to sound like Aunt Jetty.
    ‘Why did your voice suddenly get deeper?’
    ‘Because her voice is deeper than mine,’ Selby said. ‘I mean … did it?’
    ‘Yes, it did. Will you be there to let us in?’
    ‘Yes,’ Selby said. ‘And if I’m not, then just open the door. It won’t be locked.’
    ‘Okay, just give me the address of the house and I’ll need your contact information too.’
    Selby could barely wait for the
Room Rage
crew to come. Finally the day arrived. There was a gentle knock at the door. After a second knock, the door opened and the
Room Rage
presenter stepped in.
    ‘Hello? Anybody home?’ Drew’s voice said. ‘Nope, just the family dog.’
    Drew gave Selby a pat and then called in his crew.
    ‘It’s safe,’ he said. ‘Let’s get to work.’
    In a second, fifteen people appeared carrying TV cameras and lots of tools.
    ‘Are you sure this is the right house?’ someone asked. ‘It doesn’t look like a mayor’s mansion to me.’
    ‘This is Number 10 Lamington Drive, all right,’ Drew answered. ‘Mayor’s mansions in boring little bush towns certainly aren’t like the ones in cities. Is the camera on?’
    ‘We’re rolling,’ the camera operator answered.
    ‘Today
Room Rage
comes from the lovely little town of Bogusville,’ Drew said. ‘Believe it or not, this modest little house is the mayor’s mansion. And we’re standing in the lounge room, the room we’re going to make into a whole new living space. Now let’s see what our style consultant has to say. Are you ready, Tabitha?’
    ‘Ready as ever,’ Tabitha said brightly. ‘Now let me see what this room tells me.’
    Once again the
Room Rage
style consultant closed her eyes and put her fingers to her forehead.
    ‘Is it speaking to you, Tabby?’
    ‘Yes, I’m getting it now. Oh, that’s disappointing.’
    ‘What’s disappointing, Tab?’
    ‘It’s saying “leave me alone. I like myself just the way I am.” This has never happened before.’
    ‘Cut the camera,’ Drew said. ‘And cut it out, Tabby, we’ve got a program to make. We can’t just
not
change a room.’
    ‘But the voice of the room spoke to me.’
    ‘Forget all this voice-of-the-room mumbo jumbo. Just tell us what to change it into. Make something up. And do it on camera or you’re fired.’
    ‘Listen here, Andrew, if you want to do something to this room then go ahead but I’m not going to be a part of it. Go ahead, chuck out the furniture, paint the walls some awful colour and then make some stupid shape and nail it to the wall the way you usually do.’
    ‘Hey! Guys! Look what I just found!’ a voice called out. ‘Check out this workroom. It’s a pig pen. There are no windows so it’s dark and it’s just filled with rubbish and lots of weird old contraptions and things. How about giving this one a go?’
    ‘No, not the workroom!’ Selby thought. ‘They can’t change the workroom!’
    But before Selby could think to blink, Tabitha was standing in front of the camera in Dr Trifle’s workroom with her fingers on her forehead.
    ‘It’s speaking to me,’ she said. ‘It’s getting louder. I see sun … blue sky … sand … waves. This is so exciting! We’re at the beach, Drew.’
    ‘And at the beach it is,’ Drew said, stepping in front of the camera. ‘Let’s get to it, guys!’
    ‘This is a disaster! This is a catastrophe! This is worse than awful,’ Selby moaned to himself as the
Room Rage
crew took load after load of Dr Trifle’s precious belongings and threw them into the skip in the back lane. ‘Oh, woe woe woe. They’ve even chucked out his PPR before it’s been properly invented! He’ll never be able to invent anything again!’
    Selby watched helplessly as the room was completely emptied and the floor was covered in sand. Clouds were painted on the ceiling and a beach scene was painted on one wall. Bright lights were put in along with beach chairs and a big beach