Selby Snaps Read Free Page B

anything,’ he said. ‘Come on, Willy!’
    Billy pulled his brother away but Willy looked back at Selby.
    ‘Those kids are going to get me,’ Selby thought. ‘They’ll wait till the police go and then they’ll come looking for me. I know how their mini minds work.’
    ‘Are you okay now, little boy?’ Sergeant Short asked Selby.
    ‘I’m okay,’ Selby answered.
    Selby started walking away in the opposite direction to Willy and Billy.
    ‘Aunt Jetty’s boys are up to their old tricks again,’ Selby heard Sergeant Short say. ‘And I would love to catch them doing something.’
    ‘I hope you do,’ Selby thought. ‘As for me, I’m getting out of this heavy suit so I can run if those little mongrels see me.’
    Selby crept into some bushes and took off the dog suit.
    ‘I’ll leave it here and come back for it tomorrow,’ he thought. ‘Now to get back to the house and hide.’
    Selby had just left the bushes when he heard the policemen’s voices again.
    ‘Look in there!’ Constable Long said. ‘That boy left the suit behind. He must have been afraid that those brats would find him and pick on him again.’
    ‘Hey, I’ve got an idea,’ Sergeant Short said. ‘Speaking of tricks, I think I have one for Aunt Jetty’s boys.’
    ‘What do you mean?’
    ‘Just get into the suit.’
    ‘Why me? Why not you?’
    ‘Because you’re only a constable and I’m a sergeant so you have to do what I tell you to do.’
    ‘This I
have
to see,’ Selby thought.
    And so it was that Constable Long, wearing Selby’s dog suit, strolled along the footpath, greeting all the trick-or-treaters. Meanwhile Sergeant Short followed at a safe distance behind and Selby followed at an even safer distance behind him.
    Willy and Billy saw the dog suit.
    ‘It’s him!’ Willy cried as he broke into a run. ‘Let’s get him, Billy! It’s that stupy-face poo-head doggie!’
    Willy and Billy ran towards the policeman, crash-tackling him to the ground.
    ‘Pull his head off, Billy!’ Willy squealed.
    ‘Cut it out, you morons!’ Constable Long yelled.
    Just then the head of the dog suit flew off, revealing the smiling face of Constable Long.
    ‘Trick-or-treat,’ the constable said.
    ‘Uh-oh,’ said Billy.
    ‘Look, Billy,’ Willy said, ‘It’s a-a nice policeman.’
    ‘You’re right,’ Sergeant Short said very sweetly, picking the boys up by their collars. ‘And he’s going to give you a nice ride in a nice police car to a very nice police station. Then he’ll ring your mother and you can tell her how you got there.’
    ‘Oh, joy, oh, joy, oh happy day!’ Selby thought as the sergeant threw the boys in the back of the police car and Constable Long left Selby’s dog suit in the bushes. ‘And what a nice little treat this was for me.’
    Paw note: I made a big big mistake by talking to Willy a couple of times. (Fortunately nobody believes him when he tells them I can talk.)
    S
    Paw note: For once, Willy was right. I was on a plane wearing my dog suit and he pulled the head bit up and saw me. It’s all in the story ‘Selby Flies the Smiling Skies’ in the book
Selby Screams.
    S

DR TRIFLE’S TRAVELLING TOOT
    ‘If this new invention of mine takes off then no one will ever have to go to the toilet again,’ Dr Trifle announced.
    Selby lay nearby watching as Mrs Trifle took a tray of her famous chocolate and vanilla biscuits out of the oven.
    ‘But everyone has to go to the toilet,’ Mrs Trifle said.
    ‘I don’t mean that people won’t have to
go
to the toilet anymore,’ Dr Trifle said. ‘What I’m saying is that now they have to go
to the toilet.’
    ‘You just said the same thing twice.’
    ‘No I didn’t.
Going
to the toilet is completely different to going
to the toilet.
‘
    ‘There, you said it again,’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘But could we talk about this later? We’re due at the Bogusville Fair right now. I’ve got to be there to flag the winner of the Wacky Wheels Road Race.’
    ‘The wacky