Seeds of Hate Read Free Page A

Ever since I corrected Mrs. Rojas's improperly worded question on our midterm last fall I could come and go as I pleased. No one questioned me. No one cared.
    My shoes slapped the concrete flooring as I flicked the locks hanging from our lockers. I pulled down, choosing at random, and if one clicked open, I slipped it out of its place and found it a new home. Some students were too lazy to protect their belongings. This was a simple courtesy. A reminder. A playful gesture.
    I made my way down toward the lower level of campus. A few students were always sprinkled in the dark recesses. The quiet little alcoves. Most were probably feeling up some unknown girl or getting high.
    Our school was classy—brick buildings, green lawns, and tulips in the flowerbeds—but it was still public. The student body reflected that. A conglomerate of rich, poor and middle class.
    I looked around, checked the bushes, and scanned the classroom doors—all closed. Not a single stir, voice or chuckle to be heard. I was safe. My toe kicked in the door and I entered the restroom. It was part of my plan. My plan to get over my fears, heal my invisible wounds and not let Nathan win.
    Because so far he had won.
    I pushed open every stall and made sure nobody was inside. The door closed with a hush and only a single slice of light peered through. This was my safety net, the only assurance that I wouldn't be left inside. I needed to close it though. Get past it all.
    Sweat had begun to trickle along my neck and my skin flushed. Taking my hand out of my pockets, I brushed the sticky lint onto my pants and reached for the door. To stay or leave. All this time and I couldn't decide. Almost two years to the date. I kept repeating my mom's words over and over again.
    "The only way to conquer your fears is to face them."
    And here I was, facing them for what seemed to be the millionth time, but like a bad dream or scary movie, I just couldn't open my eyes. My lungs began to twitch, searching for the air that was abundant, but not present. Distant voices began to pour in and I knew it was now or never. Now or never.
    And I just couldn't face never.
    My eyes flicked up and down along the line of light peering through the door. A lifeline to normality. My only extension of hope that I would— could be normal again. And so I kicked the door with an anger born of fear and it was gone. The light. My extension.
    I stumbled backward against a stall divider and my self-control dropped to the cold floor. My fingers rubbed circles into my eyes as my knees knocked against each other.
    Open your eyes, Javi. Open your eyes!
    It was my final step. My release from it all. And so I opened them.
    The bathroom was black. No windows, no soft glow from the edges of the door. It was completely sealed and enclosed and I felt safe. This emotion was unexpected.
    This floor, this space, this entire room was my final straw of excuses for giving up and now I felt— safe?
    My body uncoiled as the tension and fear disappeared. I relaxed against the stall, breathed and then began to remember.
    Remember everything that happened that night and the events that spiraled out of control as an effect. I could still smell the cologne I wore as I buttoned up the front of my tux and took one last look in the mirror. And then everything blurred as I pictured Nathan standing over me as he shoved me into the bathroom and whispered his last words, "A world in which you have something that I can't will never exist."
    My eyes twitched as the bathroom filled with light and then went black. The interruption distracted me from my thoughts, but his words never left me. I never had the things in life Nathan did, but somehow he managed to hate me for it. I stood to exit, but the door wouldn't open. It was locked.
    I tried one more time. Nothing.
    No, no, no. Not again .
    Not again.

    ***

    I started with a few knocks, trying to get the attention of any students who walked by. Nothing. The past sat gurgling in my