Secret Smile Read Free Page A

did too, and
you know how hard he is to please.'
    Brendan gave a modest smile. 'Sweet kid,'
he said.
    'And you told them...?' I didn't know how
to finish the sentence. I suddenly remembered a phone call the night before
last, when both my parents had talked to me, one after the other, and asked me
how I was feeling at the moment. A small tic started up under my left eye.
    'That you would understand because you
were a big-hearted woman,' said Brendan.
    I felt myself getting angry now at the
thought of these people talking behind my back about the way they assumed I
would react.
    'The way that I remember it is...'
    Brendan held up a hand — large and white,
with hairy wrists. Hairy wrists, big ear lobes, thick neck. Memories bobbed to
the surface and I pushed them back down again. 'Let's not go any further right
now. Give it time.'
    'Miranda,' said Kerry pleadingly. 'Bren
just told them what we thought they needed to know.' I looked across at her and
saw on her face the luminous happiness that I wasn't used to. I swallowed hard
and stared at the menu.
    'Shall we order, then?'
    'Good idea. I think I'll have the daurade,' said Brendan, rolling his 'r's at the back of his throat.
    I didn't feel like eating anything.
    'I'll just have the steak and chips,' I
said. 'Without the chips.'
    'Still worried about your weight?'
    'What?'
    'You don't need to,' Brendan said. 'You
look fine. Doesn't she, Kerry?'
    'Yes. Miranda always looks lovely.' For a
moment she looked sour, as if she'd said 'Miranda always looks lovely' too many
times. 'I think I'd like the salmon and a green salad.'
    'We'll have a bottle of the Chablis, I
think,' said Brendan. 'Do you want a glass of red with your steak, Mirrie?'
    That was another thing. I'd always liked
the name 'Miranda' because it couldn't be shortened. Until I met Brendan.
'Mirrie'. It sounded like a misprint.
    'White's fine,' I said.
    'Sure?'
    'Yes.' I gripped the table. 'Thanks.'
    Kerry got up to go to the ladies, and he
watched her weave her way through the tables with that small smile on his face.
He ordered our meal before turning back to me.
    'So
    'Miranda.'
    He just smiled, then laid a hand over
mine.
    'You two are very different,' he said.
    'I know that.'
    'No, I mean, you're different in ways you
couldn't possibly know.'
    'What?'
    'Only I can make comparisons,' he said,
still smiling at me fondly.
    It took me a few seconds to understand. I
pulled my hand away.
    'Brendan, listen...'
    'Hello, honey,' he said over my head, then
stood up to pull back Kerry's chair for her, placing a hand on her head as she
sat down again. The food arrived. My steak was fat and bloody, and slid around
the plate when I tried to cut it. Brendan watched me hack at it, then lifted a
finger to a waitress as she passed. He said something to her in French, which I
didn't understand, and she brought me a different sort of knife.
    'Brendan spent time in Paris,' said Kerry.
    'Oh.'
    'But you probably knew that?' She glanced
up at me then looked away. I couldn't read her expression: was it suspicious,
resentful, triumphant or simply curious?
    'No, I didn't.' I knew very little about
Brendan. He said he was between jobs. He'd mentioned something about a
psychology course and about travelling around Europe for several months, but
beyond that I could hardly think of a single detail of his life. I'd never been
to his flat, never met his friends. He hadn't talked about his past and he had
been vague about his plans. But then of course, there had been so little time.
We had been approaching the stage when you start telling each other about your
lives when I'd caught him finding out about my life in his own way.
    I finally managed to insert a mouthful of
steak into my mouth and chewed it vigorously. Brendan inserted a finger and
thumb delicately into his own mouth and extracted a thin bone, laying it
carefully on the side of his plate then swilling back the rest of his mouthful
with white wine. I looked away.
    'So,' I said to Kerry.