S.E.C.R.E.T.: An Erotic Novel Read Free Page B

next attractive girl I hire,” he joked.
    And he did. He asked the stunning Tracina from Texarkana, with the Southern accent
     and the endless legs. She had a younger brother with autism who she fiercely cared
     for, and she owned more cowboy boots than any one person needs. She was hired for
     the early evening shift, and though she was always a little cool towards me, we got
     along well enough and she seemed to make Will happy. Saying good-night to him became
     doubly lonely because I knew he’d probably be spending the night at Tracina’s instead
     of upstairs at the Café. Not that I was jealous. How could I be jealous? Tracina was
     exactly the kind of girl Will should be with—funny, smart and sexy. She had perfect
     cocoa-colored skin. Sometimes she’d let her afro go wild like a mound of cotton candy,
     and sometimes she’d expertly tame it into cool braids. Tracina was sought after. Tracina
     was vivacious. Tracina fit in and belonged. I simply did not.

    That night, the notebook still warming my front pocket, I watched Tracina set up for
     the dinner crowd. It was the first time I admitted I actually was a little jealous
     of her. Not because she had Will. I was jealous of how she made her way around the
     room with such ease and appeal. Some women had that thing, that ability to insert
     themselves directly into life—and look so good doing it. They weren’t observers; they
     were in the middle of the action. Theywere … alive. Will asked her out and she said, “I’d love to.” No dithering, no equivocating,
     just a big fat yes.
    I thought about the notebook, the words I had scanned, that man at the table, the
     way he caressed his partner’s wrist and kissed her fingers. How he fingered her bracelet,
     his urgency. I wished some man could feel that for me. I thought of a fistful of thick
     hair in my hands, my back pressed against a wall in the kitchen of the restaurant,
     a hand lifting my skirt. Wait a second, the man with Pauline had a shaved head. I
     was imagining Will’s hair, Will’s mouth …
    “A penny for your thoughts,” Will said, interrupting my absurd daydream.
    “These ones are worth a lot more than a penny,” I said, knowing my face was shot red.
     Where had that come from? My shift was over. It was time to go.
    “Good tips today?”
    “Yeah, not bad. I gotta run, and, Will, I don’t care if you
are
sleeping with her. Tell Tracina to restock sugar on the table before she goes home
     tonight. They should be full for my breakfast shift.”
    “Yes, boss,” he said, saluting me. Then, as I was heading out the door, he added,
     “Plans tonight?”
    Catching up on TV. Recycling is piling up. What else?
    “Yeah, big plans,” I said.
    “You should have a date with a man, not with a cat, Cassie. You’re a lovely woman,
     you know.”
    “
Lovely
? You didn’t just call me ‘lovely.’ Will, that’s what guys say to women over thirty-five
     who haven’t gonecompletely to pot but who are well on their way to romantic retirement.
‘You’re a lovely woman, but …’
 ”
    “But nothing. Cassie, you should get out there,” he said, jerking his chin towards
     the front door and beyond.
    “That’s precisely where I’m headed,” I said, backing into the street and nearly getting
     sideswiped by a speeding cyclist.
    “Cassie! Jeez!” Will lurched towards me.
    “See? That’s what happens when I put myself out there. I get flattened,” I said, calming
     my heart and trying to laugh it off.
    Will shook his head as I turned and made my way down Frenchmen. I thought I felt him
     standing there watching me walk away, but I was too shy to turn around and check.

I s it possible to feel really young and really old at the same time? I was bone weary
     as I trudged the four blocks home. I loved looking at the tired, tiny houses in my
     neighborhood, some leaning on each other, some coated with so many layers of paint,
     and ringed by so much wrought iron and festooned with