School of Fear Read Free Page B

calling me, I’m on a date!” Nancy fumed.
    “I’ll take that as an affirmative that you are alive and well. And make sure your date washes his hands before holding yours
     — lots of germs going around this time of year. Okay, have fun. I’ll call you back in an hour.”
    “Don’t you dare!” Nancy yelled, but Theo had already hung up the phone.
    Not even the strict rule against cell phones at school stopped Theo from checking on his family. He constructed a system during
     school hours in which each family member was required to text Theo a confirmation of his or her status, alive or dead. It
     wasn’t necessarily the most logical system, since a dead person can’t text. In fact, Joaquin and his two other brothers often
     texted back “dead” as a joke.
    Theo never laughed. Even with his elaborate and time-consuming system, thoughts of death continued to plague him. His siblings
     started referring to him as Theo the Thanatophobe — thanatophobia being a fear of death or dying. Theo didn’t acknowledge
     the name, feeling justified in his behavior after reading the newspapers’ accounts of death from car accidents, sickness,
     crime, and other grotesque manners.
    Theo’s neuroses were never quite as heightened as when his parents went camping in Yosemite National Forest in Northern California.
     Between the remains of ancient glaciers and towering redwoods, there was absolutely no cell reception, preventing them from
     checking in. Theo’s imagination went into overdrive as he envisioned grizzly bears devouring his beloved parents.
    Without consulting his siblings, Theo decided it was downright irresponsible of him not to do as much as possible to safeguard
     his mom and dad. He figured if they couldn’t check in with him, he would check in with them, by any means necessary. Various
     accounts of his parents being injured, attacked, trapped by fires, or lost were reported to park rangers.
    “I said
lost
! What part of
lost
do you not understand? They asked me to get help!” Theo screeched.
    “If they don’t have a cell phone, how did they tell you they’re lost?” the ranger smartly asked.
    “I have the gift… .”
    “Of bull,” the ranger added.
    “The psychic gift. PBS is doing a special on me in the fall,” Theo lied. “Please, you must find them!”
    “Listen, kid, I wasted eight hours yesterday with that phony fire story. I’m not falling for this again.”
    After the park rangers threatened legal action against Theo, the Bartholomews realized it was time to get help. Since they
     both were theology professors at Columbia University, they decided their first course of action would be to inquire with other
     faculty members. They waded through a few boorish comments about military school and fat camp until they found a psychology
     professor whose son had overcome a fear of foreign languages at a private institution in New England. Apparently, the fear
     had been so pronounced the boy refused to go in public without headphones. Of course, before the professor told the Bartholomews
     the name of the institution, he looked both ways down the hallway and closed his office door. Like others in the know, the
     professor chose to whisper when speaking about School of Fear.
    The Bartholomews salivated at the notion of eradicating Theo’s thanatophobia and other general anxieties. Of their seven children,
     Theo was by far the most time-consuming and draining with his constant worry. Mr. and Mrs. Bartholomew asked their other children
     to stay in their rooms while they spoke with Theo. Seated on a maroon loveseat, his parents explained their plans for his
     summer at School of Fear.
    “Are you out of your mind?
School of Fear
sounds like a cult! Why not send me to North Korea?” Theo asked sarcastically, shaking his head in disgust.
    “Theo, it’s like camp, not communism,” his mother retorted.
    “How can you even entertain this notion? They don’t allow cell phones! Have you no mercy,