Say It Ain't So Read Free Page B

Catcher’s mask, chest protector, shin guards, training DVDs, and whatever else. Probably a diamond-encrusted cup. Other Mike didn’t know all that much about baseball, but he did know that Mike used to be a pitcher and quit after his injury. Specifically, Mike had said: “If I can’t pitch, I don’t play. It’s the most important part of the game and the only part I want to do.”
    When Other Mike quoted this back at Mike now, Mike launched into a speech. It almost sounded like he’d been practicing it.
    â€œYou know—I’ve been thinking about it. Catchers get no credit. It’s not fair. They’re actually the most important player on the team.”
    Other Mike only shrugged as if to agree. But I couldn’t let this go. I simply couldn’t. It was Mike himself who always said the pitcher was most important. And now, just because catching was his new kick, he thought it was the most important thing in the world? Just because a catcher saw him tackle a guy in a shopping mall meant that Mike was the best catcher ever?
    â€œWell, I don’t know if I’d say
most
important,” I said, swallowing the slimy mass of turkey.
    â€œWhat, pitcher?” Mike asked.
    â€œWell, kind of. The catcher wouldn’t have a lot to do without a pitcher. He’d just be a guy squatting in the dirt looking like he’s trying to take a poop on the side of the road.”
    Other Mike laughed and coughed on his milk. I smiled a little. Mike did
not
smile. He chomped angrily on a potato chip.
    â€œThe catcher
makes
the pitcher,” he said. “A good catcher can make a bad pitcher good and agood pitcher great. It’s our job to instill confidence. To call a good game.”
    â€œIf you say so,” I said. I wiped my mouth. I was trying to stay calm but I could feel my heart start to beat faster.
    â€œWhat?” Mike said.
    â€œI said, ‘If you say so.’ What?”
    â€œYou’re disagreeing with me.”
    â€œI am not,” I said. Though, yeah, I kind of was. I felt myself getting angrier.
    â€œAre too!”
    â€œNow you’re disagreeing with me about whether or not I’m disagreeing with you.”
    Other Mike laughed again, but this time it was a nervous sort of laugh. Kind of like a hiccup. Like a
huh-whuh
more than a
ha-ha
.
    â€œIs something bothering you, Lenny?” Mike asked, his voice getting louder. “You’ve been acting weird for a long time.”
    â€œOh, I’ve been acting weird? You spend all your time punching yourself and asking people to kick you in the crotch, and
I’m
acting weird?”
    â€œLet it out, Lenny. Let it all out. You’re jealous of me and you know it.”
    â€œI am not! I’m happy for you. Or at least I was. Until you got so freaking high and mighty on yourhorse. Catchers aren’t the most important thing in the world. They just catch the ball. Just because you are one now. Funny how that works. How whatever you are happens to be the most important thing in the world.”
    I guess my voice must have been getting really loud at this point because all the tables around us got a little quiet. I felt a bunch of eyeballs staring at me. I felt my ears burn hot and my blood run cold. Then I heard a voice.
    â€œHey, what are you dork-buckets arguing about?” the voice asked us. “Trying to figure out which one of you is a bigger dork-bucket? I got the answer for you: it’s a three-way tie for first place. All three of you are coholders of the world’s largest dork-bucket trophy. There, I solved the mystery for you. Now please stop yelling so I can go back to enjoying my three lunches.”
    The voice belonged to Davis Gannett, just about the worst person a voice could belong to. As I mentioned before, he was a mean-looking eighth grader who towered over everyone with his shaved head and fierce gaze. Other things to know about Davis Gannett: He