Riot Most Uncouth Read Free Page B

candlestick. One could easily imagine such implements, driven by the mighty engine of the beast’s well-muscled jaw, punching through flesh and crushing bone. This was, in fact, their purpose; when bears find they have occasion for intra-species negotiation over females or territory, they employ their teeth in much the same manner as men use lawyers.
    â€œHe’s tame, is he?” Burke asked. His hands fluttered about his face as he spoke. The crisp, high-collared shirt he wore accentuated the unusual length of his neck. His nose, his chin, and his limbs were also quite long, giving him a fragile, birdlike appearance, though he was a fairly large brute. He had the kind of limp yellow hair that grows only from the scalps of men possessing little character or fortitude. I wanted to shoot him in the throat.
    â€œHe’s hungry,” I said, letting some slack into the bear’s leash and making sure Burke saw me do it. “I would suggest you handle your business here with all possible haste.”
    The Professor growled again and shook his massive head.
    â€œI certainly shall, Lord Byron.” Burke shifted on his feet and fingered his cravat. “As you probably remember, you met Armand Lafitte at a social event over the summer. M. Lafitte is a senior banker for my client, and I am to understand he was quite impressed by you.”
    I had already guessed that Mr. Burke’s visit was related to the recent fraud I’d committed against his client. M. Lafitte was a sodding drunk and a bloody imbecile. I’d talked him into giving me a loan in furtherance of some fabricated commercial endeavor, secured against a property that I failed to tell him was already thrice mortgaged. I’d like to say this fleecing was influenced by patriotic concerns, but the truth was, I enjoyed the French people and French cuisine, and I admired Napoleon. I just wanted the money.
    As soon as the bank disbursed the cash, I ordered six cases of wine and three whores up to my hotel suite. I did not leave for several days, nor did I sleep during that period of sustained debauchery. Mr. Burke was calling on me because the bank had finally discovered my misconduct. They were quicker than I expected; I had not yet wasted all their money.
    â€œIt seems there was some error in the paperwork,” Burke said. “Our interest does not appear to be properly collateralized. While we certainly don’t mean to impugn your honor or suggest a lack of trust and good faith, it is nonetheless a very rigid policy of the bank not to expose itself to the risks associated with unsecured credit, even where the borrower is as esteemed and distinguished as yourself.”
    â€œI’m afraid you made the trip up from London unnecessarily,” I said. “My counsel, Mr. John Hanson, has offices there, and it is with him that you should discuss this.”
    Hanson was under strict instructions to summon his most potent lawyerly tools of obfuscation and misdirection to foil the efforts of creditors to collect from me. On that condition, his bills alone would be paid on time.
    â€œI did contact Mr. Hanson, and he strongly encouraged me to speak directly with you regarding this matter.”
    Hanson! Whoreson! I’d been betrayed by that backstabbing brigand! The two of us had an arrangement; I tolerated his harangues and missives about behaving responsibly, and he cleaned up my messes when I disregarded his advice. It was a perfectly serviceable system, and he had spoilt it. No doubt he was having a good chuckle at my expense.
    â€œI do not wish to be impolite,” Burke continued. “But your agreement contains a guarantee on your part that the bank’s interest is secured, and our remedy in the event that we learn otherwise is to accelerate repayment of the loan and attempt to recover our capital.”
    â€œIs that a threat?”
    â€œI was merely discussing the business options open to the bank under the