Return to You (Letters to Nowhere Part 3) Read Free Page A

prepping for my dismount—a double front with a half turn.
    “I bet Mommy and Daddy bribe you with new cars and shit like that for every routine you make.”
    My stomach sinks and I miss a beat holding the high bar far too long. My momentum is headed inward and there’s not even a millisecond to process what’s happened before my forehead smacks hard against the high bar, my body is headed at a funky angle toward the mats underneath the bars. My arm is sticking out. Sensing a broken limb in the very near future, I squeeze my eyes shut, bracing myself for the fall.
    But the hit never comes.
    A soft arm wraps around my waist, and the body attached to it is forced down to the ground with me, but breaks my fall.
    My heart is beating like a caged wild animal. I’m dizzy from the blow to my head. I’m humiliated by the fact that I should be on my feet and yet I’m sprawled out on the mats. Again. But none of those feelings are what causes me to break down. The hollowness in my chest, the sensation of being punched in the gut is what’s causing tears to spring to my eyes.
    TJ is the one sprawled out beside me. He’s wide-eyed now, both of us sitting up, and him taking in my shaking hands and legs, the tears streaming down my cheeks.
    “Shit,” he mutters. “Holy shit, you gave me a freakin’ heart attack.”
    Both Jordan and Stevie are now in front of me. And yes, there’s a throbbing in my head but that’s not why I can’t breathe, why I’m suddenly sobbing so hard I can’t speak.
    “What’s wrong?” TJ says, panicking. “Are you hurt?”
    “She hit her head, you idiot,” Stevie snaps, “Of course she’s hurt.”
    I clutch my chest trying to breathe. I’m shoving all of them back, attempting to get out of here. Jordan grasps me by the shoulders. “Sit down, Karen.”
    I move too quickly for him to maintain his hold on me. “I’m not hurt,” I manage to say. “My head’s fine.”
    Then I’m pushing my way out the gym doors, gasping for air.
    chapter three
~jordan~
    “Karen!” I sprint out of the gym, down the path, following the red ponytail. My heart is still lodged in my throat after watching that ugly fall. “Karen, stop!”
    She halts, back to me, hands resting on her knees and shoulders shaking. I finally reach her and steer her in the direction of a nearby bench, forcing her to sit down. I get a good look at her face, not only the tears but ghostly white color, the cold sweat trickling down. I’ve seen Karen like this before, after one of her nightmares. She’s gasping for air, chest heaving. I kneel in front of her, pushing the hair off her face.
    “I’m not… hurt,” she manages to say between sobbing and hyperventilating.
    “I heard what TJ said.” I rest my hands on her upper arms, rubbing them gently. I’m starting to panic myself, worried Karen’s about to pass out. It’s happened to her before.
    Her fingers grab at the material on the front of her leotard, pulling it away from her skin. “How come I can be completely fine… and then… and then one little thing… it feels like someone carved out my chest.”
    Her words are like a jab to the stomach. I was much younger than Karen when I lost my mom, so the triggers were a little different—not having someone to pack my lunch before school, not having my uniform pants ironed… Missing her revolved around my selfish needs and being scared about getting through that day and maybe the next, but rarely did I think about her absence in the future, like Karen does.
    But right now, I can’t talk about any of this with her because she needs to calm down. Her eyes are wide with panic, her face an even lighter shade of pale. I grip her shoulders tighter. “Look at me!”
    She lifts her head enough to focus on my face.
    “Breathe exactly like me,” I order, hoping her obedient gymnast nature will take over. I slow my own breathing down and keep my eyes glued to hers. “You’re okay. Just breathe.”
    She nods and her