only suggest there may have been a certain logic to choosing Antonia. Her memories show it clearly: she was to die within a few moons of an incurable internal infection.”
The wave of grief took me by surprise, so that I staggered back from Tarani. She followed me, concerned. “It’s ridiculous,” I said, “but I am stunned and sorry—she was so
young,
Tarani, not at all like me.”
“Like you?” she said.
“I had heard my own deathbell toll. But I was older, and my life had been full. It could not hurt me so much as it must have hurt her.”
Tarani was silent for a moment, reaching into the well of strange memory. “More and more,” she said, “I come to admire this woman. She was hurt, yes, but not beaten. She put the knowledge aside and resolved to live her life as normally as possible, asking for no pity, allowing no regrets. She had pride and strength, this one.”
“As does this one,” I said, taking her face in my hands and leaning forward to kiss it.
2
Keeshah ran another long session, covering the miles with amazing speed. At other times, I had guided his run/rest cycle to coordinate with ours, or to conserve his strength. This time, however, I owed him a long rest when we got to Raithskar. I let him set his own pace, knowing he would not extend himself past his capabilities. Tarani and I clung to his back, allowing ourselves to be lulled by the flowing front-to-back rocking motion, at least as much as the need to hang on would allow.
When Keeshah stopped again, the grayish bushes had a touch of green in their scrawny leaves. He was panting heavily.
*Need sleep
,* he told me, apologizing.
The concept of “sleep,” as opposed to “rest,” and the tone of apology I sensed from him told me something I didn’t want to know. I moved along his side, combing sand out of his fur with my hands.
*
Keeshah, you’ve pushed yourself too hard. And there’s only one reason why you’d do that
—
because you thought I wanted it.
*
*
You want home,
* he said.
I felt a twisting jolt of guilt. It wasn’t the first time Keeshah had read my feelings more accurately than I could. It
was
the first time it had resulted in possible harm to the big cat. Keeshah had not eaten in three days. That would hardly kill him; he had a capacity for storing food and water that matched the size of his body. But now was not the time to be pushing him hard, when his reserves were low.
I wrapped my arms around his neck.
*
Thank you, Keeshah,
* I said. *
We’ll take it easy from here on out, all right? Want some water?
*
I gave him another double handful of water, which left Tarani and me with barely a day’s ration. She didn’t object. She came up to us after Keeshah had lain down, while I finished combing the exposed side.
“He is weary,” she said. “Will he let me help?”
I asked Keeshah. *
Will you let Tarani help you sleep deeply?
*
*
Yes,*
he replied, lifting his head to look at Tarani.
*Grateful*
I nodded, and stepped away as Tarani took my place beside Keeshah. The sha’um pressed the side of his face against Tarani’s hand, then lay his head on the ground and closed his eyes. Tarani settled herself in a kneeling position. Her hands stroked the big cat, and her voice rose and fell in a gentle, tuneless hum. I felt myself following the sound of it, letting it carry my thoughts into a soothing pattern which slowed gradually… .
I had to move away from them before I also fell into the deep, healing sleep Tarani’s hypnotic power could engender. When Keeshah was out, Tarani joined me and we stretched out among some bushes.
“It is not like Keeshah to overtire himself,” Tarani said. “He must be very eager to reach Yayshah.” She must have felt me tense up, because she asked: “What is wrong?”
“I’ve been pushing him,” I admitted. “Without meaning to—but pushing him, just the same.”
I didn’t need to do any more explaining than that. Tarani had been throne to point out to Thymas
John Holmes, Ryan Szimanski