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myself whether it was what I wanted, the answer I got was ‘No’. If I had become a lawyer, I wouldn’t have done the kind of stuff my parents do. I would have been a prosecutor.’
    ‘Why?’
    ‘It felt like I would be making a difference, dealing with things that really mattered. But it wasn’t enough. I needed something more direct, more physical, I’m not sure quite how to put it.’
    She paused.
    ‘And I’m sure that’s way more than you wanted to know.’
    Lazenby put the file down on his desk and looked at her closely.
    ‘So, you came to the Bureau instead of becoming a prosecutor?’
    ‘I didn’t have it all neatly worked out. To tell you the truth, it just so happened that the Bureau was interviewing on campus around the time I had my great revelation. I thought, ‘what the hell, sounds interesting, can’t do any harm to talk to them.’ So I signed up for an interview, and suddenly, that was it. I was hooked. I knew it the moment I walked into the interview. I don’t know how else to describe it …’
    She hesitated.
    ‘I understand,’ Lazenby said. ‘How did your parents react?’
    ‘Actually, they were great. I know they were disappointed that I wasn’t going to go into the family business, but they supported me totally.’ She smiled. ‘I was pleasantly surprised.’
    ‘How do you feel about your decision today?’
    Kelly closed her eyes, and sat back in her chair, silent for a while.
    ‘I’m sorry,’ Lazenby said. ‘That wasn’t a fair question. You’ve only been on leave for a few weeks.’
    Kelly opened her eyes and wrapped her arms tightly around her body.
    ‘Seven weeks.’
    ‘Seven weeks. New York gave you four months without the option.’
    ‘Yes, Sir.’
    ‘Were the counselors helpful?’
    Kelly hesitated.
    ‘I guess so. But I’m one of those people who need people they know. I have a friend, an old friend from back home, Linda Samuels. I lean on her a lot. I don’t know what I would have done without her.’
    Lazenby nodded.
    ‘So you feel you’re making progress?’
    She sat back up in the chair.
    ‘I guess so. It took me the first two weeks just to stop shaking. The next two weeks, I couldn’t stop thinking about Joe and Tina, and I cried the whole time. Since then, I’ve tried to think about other things, I’ve tried to remember who I am and what I’m supposed to be doing, but …’
    Lazenby stood, walked around his desk, and leaned against it, just in front of Kelly’s chair.
    ‘Kelly, I’ve read the reports on Operation Shakedown, and I’ve spoken to New York about it. They should never have let you do what you did. You were too inexperienced. I’ve made my views on that very clear to the agent in charge.’
    ‘I volunteered.’
    ‘I know. And I also know that what happened wasn’t your fault. But they should never have let you do it.’
    They were silent for a while.
    ‘It was going fine at first,’ Kelly said eventually, almost to herself. ‘I got myself taken on at the factory.’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘The whole place was just a front, a cover for the rackets the two Families were running in the Bronx. I was getting good information. My cover seemed to be secure, but something went wrong…’
    ‘There are no guarantees when you’re dealing with the Mob.’
    ‘No, Sir.’
    ‘There’s no point in reliving it. Especially the shoot-out.’
    Kelly closed her eyes again.
    ‘I know I’ll never be able to forget that. I still get nightmares about it. It’s only been in the last week or two I’ve been able to sleep through the night.’
    ‘I understand.’
    ‘I don’t really know why I’m still alive,’ Kelly continued. ‘I have no right to be. If Joe and Tina hadn’t shown up, I would have been dead. That I do know. But the rest of it, well, it all happened so fast. Somehow, we were able to call for back-up. But we were outnumbered, and by the time they arrived…’
    ‘Joe and Tina were dead,’ Lazenby added quietly. ‘Yes, I know. And