Redemption (Book 3) The Fixer Series Read Free

the recovery room.  It wasn't just physical pain I was feeling, but emotional pain, too.  Why couldn't I have just died, rather than have to face the demons that were ahead of me?  Lying there, in that cold, gray recovery room, I realized it was just me, my thoughts and the recovery nurse.  I saw her out of the corner of my eye as she made her way over to my bed, gently placing the oxygen tube around my ears and then in my nose.  She must have put some pain medicine in my IV too, because I didn't remember much about the recovery room after that. 
    I woke up in a private room with my own, personal, English-speaking nurse.  Something I was sure that Tristan had arranged.  When I was finally able to open my eyes and really focus, I noticed that the room was nicely decorated in pink.  Floral wallpaper lined the walls and the smell of bleach scented the air.  I moved, trying to get comfortable in my bed as the bells from the machines that I was hooked up to, went off.  I tried to talk, but quickly realized I couldn't because I was hooked up to a respirator machine.  At first I tried to fight it, because not being able to breathe or talk out of my mouth, scared the shit out of me.  But the more I fought, the more uncomfortable it made me, and I had no choice but to calm down and relax. 
    Great, I thought as I laid there helpless.  I closed my eyes, trying to block out the sounds and the pain I was experiencing. 
    The nurse came over and placed her hand on my arm, introducing herself.   "Hi, Dylan, I'm Lydia and I will be taking care of you during your stay here.  I know you can't talk, right now, but if you could just nod your head and indicate that you understand what I'm saying, that will be sufficient." 
    I nodded my head in response . 
    "Good.  Now, let me s ee what I can do about getting that tube taken out.  I'll talk with the doctor when he makes his rounds and let him know that you're ready.  Are you uncomfortable and needing more pain meds?" 
    I nodded my head, Yes . 
    Hell yes , I needed more pain meds. I wasn't sure what I needed them more for, the fucking gunshot wound or the intense grief I felt.  This sucked camel balls.  I had never been rendered so fucking helpless in my life.  I felt like a burden to all mankind.  I couldn't talk, move, piss or even wipe my own ass if I wanted to.  I wanted to be pissed at Nurse Ratchet, but she wasn't doing anything other than trying to help me feel better.
      The machine stopped singing, and I felt warmth enter my arm as my body began to give way to the euphoria.  I was higher than a kite and I welcomed the new-found feeling of being numb.  My eyes were heavy, but I didn't dare fall asleep.  Every time I fell asleep, the same dream haunted me, but it wasn't really a dream.  It was fucking reality. 
    No matter how hard I tried to fight it, I ended up drifting into a deep sleep.  Then, the recollection started of Brooke and I on our wedding day.  She looked so beautiful walking toward me, with the castle in the background.  Like a princess, my princess.  I couldn't wait to have her, savor her and love her for the rest of my life. 
    That day had played over and over in my head during all those months she was missing.  I could feel the same panic as if it were happening this very moment. When I'd returned to our special place and she wasn't there, I honestly thought she was just playing a game of hide and seek. But when she didn't answer, I knew in my gut that she was really gone.  I had felt helpless, much like I did now, because I wasn't able to protect her. 
    I suddenly heard whispering and my eyes flew open.  Tristan was in the room with the doc and they were discussing something that had to do with my care.  I didn't understand all of the Russian shit they were speaking.  He could hire an English-speaking nurse, but not a doctor?  That pissed me off.  If it had to do with me, I should've at least been able to understand what was