Red Clover Read Free Page B

him. Everything he said was just vague enough to hold some truth. How much is this one going to cost you?”
    “He told me he would be willing to review Lee’s case but it would be difficult for him to form any opinions without seeing him. I think I’m going to spend this summer in the New York apartment with Lee and see what Dr. Ballou can do for him.”
    “Do what you want,” his father grumbled. “At least that damn apartment will get some use.”
    One thing Lee and his father agreed upon—seeing yet another doctor was a giant waste of time. He dreaded having to hear more of the same stuff he had been hearing from Dr. Jerry for as long as he could remember. He argued against going, but at ten, he had little influence over...just about anything.
    For the next four weeks, Lee met with Dr. Ballou for an hour and a half, twice a week. In between, Lee and his mother took long walks in Central Park, fed the pigeons, and went on extravagant shopping trips. Lee watched television whenever his mother felt the need for one of her frequent naps. Jeopardy was his favorite show, and whenever he answered a question right, he wondered if either of his older brothers would have been able to do so, or even his father. When he came across the soap opera All My Children, he got excited, thinking he might learn about how other families worked. Instead, he learned that some families were even more confusing than his own.
    At the end of their sessions, the New York doctor recommended a female therapist in Chicago, who was supposed to be able to help Lee develop “a more positive perception” of himself and “relieve some of his social anxieties.” He saw that doctor seventy-four times over eighteen months before his mother allowed him to stop.
    The Chicago doctor was no different from any of the others Lee had seen over the years—not at all friendly. This confused him—each one had indicated they wanted him to be open with them, but how could he when they appeared so distant? Lee didn’t trust most of them either, having overheard his father say once that it wasn’t in their best interest to cure him in order to keep those checks coming in from his mother. As a result, Lee revealed very little to any of them.
    When Lee turned fourteen, Bennett had just graduated first in his class at Yale and was about to enter law school. Nelson had an MBA from Harvard with two years at Barclays, well on his way to a lucrative career in investment banking. In addition to their high intellect, both brothers had matured into strong, physically fit young men. With narrow shoulders and skinny arms, Lee felt his body was yet another one of his hopeless shortcomings, at least compared to his brothers.
    Lee had little to do that summer except agonize over what his parents had in mind for him for high school. The thought of having to attend a school after all the years of being home-schooled horrified him. While he struggled with getting passing grades from his tutors, at least he didn’t have to deal with other children and teachers who weren’t handpicked by his mother. Thankful his parents were too preoccupied with other things to pay much attention to him—his father with some big real estate deal, and his mother with the annual American Red Cross fundraiser—Lee waited for a decision to be made about his schooling.
    When his mother informed him he would have to attend high school, he was devastated. He was now going to have to face what he feared most—the unknown.
    On the morning of his first day, Lee awoke in a full-blown panic attack. He huddled in the corner of his room, trembling, his fists clenched, breathing erratically, until his mother came looking for him.
    Paralyzed and barely able to speak, he managed to whisper, “Just leave me here for a while until it passes, Mother.”
    Dr. Jerry had told him to relax when he felt an attack coming on, practice the deep breathing exercises he had shown him, and imagine himself in a safe place.