a sign of recovery. Sydney wasn’t sure she wanted to hear that. How does a mother ever “recover” from losing her babies? After Max was born, someone had given her an embroidered pillow with the saying, “A child is your heart walking around outside your body.” If that wasn’t the truth! And then when Malena came along, Syd had given away what was left of her heart. Losing them wasn’t something she expected to ever “get over.”
But life had an irritating way of marching forward, of forcing the living to get on with it even when it would be so much easier not to. For a while, after the accident, she’d entertained the darkest thoughts of her life, had flirted with the notion of ending it all, of putting a stop to the relentless pain any way she could. Only knowing that she couldn’t—and wouldn’t—do such a thing to her grief-stricken parents had kept Sydney from going too far down that tempting path.
Turning over in bed, she took a moment to study the photo of Seth and the kids that she’d placed on the bedside table. Sometimes it was still so hard to believe they were really gone forever and not off somewhere together, due home any time now.
She shifted her gaze to the view of the pond in the distance. Not much had changed since the summer mornings of her youth: scores of boats at anchor, activity and bustle in Gansett’s vast Salt Pond. As she had during many of those long-ago mornings, she wondered if Luke was out on the water or working on the docks at McCarthy’s Gansett Marina the way he had since he was a boy.
Seeing him last night had brought back so many precious memories. It was no surprise to her that he was as stunningly handsome at thirty-six as he’d been at nineteen. Perpetually tanned skin, silky dark hair that fell over his forehead, soft brown eyes, lips made for kissing…
For so many years, he’d been at the center of her life, even though she’d seen him only during the summers. Her parents hadn’t approved of the passionate love between two teenagers, so she and Luke had been forced to do a lot of sneaking around to be together.
It pained Sydney to realize as an adult, with the hindsight of so much time gone by, that she’d allowed her parents’ views to influence hers. She’d let social status and money and things that didn’t matter in the least drive her decisions. When she thought about what she’d done to a decent, kind young man who’d deserved so much better, she was ashamed. Even all these years later, even after she’d apologized to him, she was ashamed of how she’d treated him.
That wasn’t to say, if she had it to do all over again, she would change anything. Her decisions had led to Seth, Max and Malena, and she could never, ever be sorry about having had any of them in her life. Yes, she was sorry her decisions had caused such pain for Luke. She would always be sorry about that, but she was wise enough now to know that all the regrets in the world couldn’t change the past. All anyone had was right now. Today.
“What shall we do with this bright and glorious day, Buddy?”
The dog barked and then stretched on the bed.
Sydney laughed. “I figured you’d vote for the beach.”
Sydney drove back to the house after a few hours at her favorite hideaway beach. Buddy rode shotgun, head out the window, tongue lolling in the breeze. Before Seth had worn her down and convinced her that kids shouldn’t grow up without a dog, Sydney wouldn’t have described herself as a dog person. That, too, had changed. Sometimes she wondered how she ever would’ve survived the last fifteen months without Buddy’s loving presence.
She’d purposely sought out a secluded stretch of beach where he could play in the surf without any of the disapproving glares they would’ve gotten at the town beach. There’d been a time, not that long ago, when she might’ve been one of the glare givers. Not anymore.
Approaching the house, she slowed when she
But life had an irritating way of marching forward, of forcing the living to get on with it even when it would be so much easier not to. For a while, after the accident, she’d entertained the darkest thoughts of her life, had flirted with the notion of ending it all, of putting a stop to the relentless pain any way she could. Only knowing that she couldn’t—and wouldn’t—do such a thing to her grief-stricken parents had kept Sydney from going too far down that tempting path.
Turning over in bed, she took a moment to study the photo of Seth and the kids that she’d placed on the bedside table. Sometimes it was still so hard to believe they were really gone forever and not off somewhere together, due home any time now.
She shifted her gaze to the view of the pond in the distance. Not much had changed since the summer mornings of her youth: scores of boats at anchor, activity and bustle in Gansett’s vast Salt Pond. As she had during many of those long-ago mornings, she wondered if Luke was out on the water or working on the docks at McCarthy’s Gansett Marina the way he had since he was a boy.
Seeing him last night had brought back so many precious memories. It was no surprise to her that he was as stunningly handsome at thirty-six as he’d been at nineteen. Perpetually tanned skin, silky dark hair that fell over his forehead, soft brown eyes, lips made for kissing…
For so many years, he’d been at the center of her life, even though she’d seen him only during the summers. Her parents hadn’t approved of the passionate love between two teenagers, so she and Luke had been forced to do a lot of sneaking around to be together.
It pained Sydney to realize as an adult, with the hindsight of so much time gone by, that she’d allowed her parents’ views to influence hers. She’d let social status and money and things that didn’t matter in the least drive her decisions. When she thought about what she’d done to a decent, kind young man who’d deserved so much better, she was ashamed. Even all these years later, even after she’d apologized to him, she was ashamed of how she’d treated him.
That wasn’t to say, if she had it to do all over again, she would change anything. Her decisions had led to Seth, Max and Malena, and she could never, ever be sorry about having had any of them in her life. Yes, she was sorry her decisions had caused such pain for Luke. She would always be sorry about that, but she was wise enough now to know that all the regrets in the world couldn’t change the past. All anyone had was right now. Today.
“What shall we do with this bright and glorious day, Buddy?”
The dog barked and then stretched on the bed.
Sydney laughed. “I figured you’d vote for the beach.”
Sydney drove back to the house after a few hours at her favorite hideaway beach. Buddy rode shotgun, head out the window, tongue lolling in the breeze. Before Seth had worn her down and convinced her that kids shouldn’t grow up without a dog, Sydney wouldn’t have described herself as a dog person. That, too, had changed. Sometimes she wondered how she ever would’ve survived the last fifteen months without Buddy’s loving presence.
She’d purposely sought out a secluded stretch of beach where he could play in the surf without any of the disapproving glares they would’ve gotten at the town beach. There’d been a time, not that long ago, when she might’ve been one of the glare givers. Not anymore.
Approaching the house, she slowed when she
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