Prime Time Read Free Page B

documentary for Channel Four – and they’ve done some research which suggests that more than half of all women are governed emotionally by their menstrual cycle. We’re planning on doing it as a topic for Rise Up with Randolph : are women at the mercy of their hormones?’
    â€˜ Rise Up with Randolph ? That oily creep?’ snorted Charlotte. ‘I didn’t know you did that.’
    â€˜Actually he’s very caring,’ said Clive. ‘It’s been a huge success – the ratings are going up all the time and it’s really putting Yellow Door Productions on the map. We’ve been tackling some really key issues – child abuse, drug addiction, as well as the usual infidelity/he slept with my sister type shows. They always go down well. Now for this PMT programme, we’ve got a woman who threw her husband down the stairs and another who got six months for threatening to stab the …’
    â€˜I’m not that bad!’ I said hotly, pushing the incident with Daniel and the bag of frozen chops to the back of my mind.
    â€˜Of course not, poppet,’ Clive patted my hand. ‘Irritability?’ he asked soothingly. ‘Short temper? Weight gain, bloating, feelings of low self-worth …?’
    I scowled.
    â€˜She’s got all of them,’ said Charlotte.
    â€˜Not all the time,’ I explained crossly. ‘On Day Two I feel a deep sense of calm and on Days Three and Four I’m really quite sane and energised – give or take that I’m carrying around four pounds of extra fluid and look like a hippo. Then Days Six to Nine, I feel terrific – get loads done, am perfectly normal and positive, then there’s a bit of a wobble on Day Ten and then …’
    â€˜This is fascinating,’ Clive was gazing into my eyes. ‘You are so in touch with it all – so precise …’ He stared at the ceiling, hand outstretched before him as if about to make a great pronouncement, and then looked back at me again. ‘How is that?’
    I shrugged. ‘I went to a nutritionist. She got me to keep a diary. How I felt, what I ate –’ I paused, thinking I would spare Clive the details of the in-depth analysis of bodily functions and girth measurements I had also undergone. ‘And there was a clear pattern.’
    â€˜How fascinating’ said Clive again, still gazing at me with something close to rapture.
    â€˜Yes, my husband thought so too,’ I said waspishly. ‘It was his idea.’
    Because, having jogged along quite happily for a decade with me being gruesome for several days a month, he suddenly decided that he couldn’t stand it. And then, having spent six months shagging himself stupid with another woman and barely speaking to me, he had the barefaced cheek to blame the break-up of our marriage on my mood swings.
    â€˜And has it helped?’ Clive asked eagerly.
    â€˜Yes – he left me.’
    Charlotte smiled brightly. ‘But she’s much better off without him and we’re going to find her someone else lovely.’ She gave me a kick under the table. ‘So it’s all for the best.’
    â€˜It’s all terrific,’ I growled. ‘I am ecstatic.’
    It was probably Emily who suggested the nutritionist. Emily is a vegetarian who eats no dairy and only does organic. Her moods are totally stable and she probably takes the pill all year round. I should imagine periods are much too messy for her to contemplate.
    â€˜Have you tried any supplements?’ enquired Clive, looking from one to the other of us with a slightly desperate smile. ‘One of the researchers was talking about oil of evening primrose …’
    â€˜Yeah, and starflower oil and B vitamins and magnesium and zinc … I’ve got them all at home.’
    â€˜I think you’re supposed to take them,’ said Charlotte.
    I pulled a face at her.
    â€˜I