true self—if such a creature still existed—safe and secure.
Being out in this world was dangerous enough. Being real was downright suicidal.
“I’m afraid you’d find my problems shallow and inconsequential,” Andrew said.
“Because they are shallow and inconsequential.” Colin slowly raised his hand, then swept the backs of his fingertips along Andrew’s jaw. “Just like yourself.”
Andrew shivered inside, at the combination of harsh words and tender touch. Colin looked as though he couldn’t decide if he wanted to kiss him or bite him. Andrew would’ve welcomed either—both—but more than anything, he wanted Colin to understand him. He shouldn’t give a toss for anyone’s opinion, and yet…in this world of fakers and caricatures, perhaps he’d finally met someone utterly unpredictable, utterly raw.
So he said what was in his heart, for once not calculating his words’ effect. “I’m sorry I never came to our room the night we met.”
Colin’s brows spasmed, darting together and apart in an instant. He dropped his hand but didn’t move away. “I felt a fucking fool waiting all night alone in that posh hotel room, afraid to have so much as a glass of water in case I’d be arrested for stealing.”
“You should have ordered room service. I would’ve been happy to pay for it.”
“I didnae want food. I wanted—” Colin cut himself off and turned away, rubbing the back of his reddening neck, then sweeping his hand up to make the spiky black waves of hair stand even more on end. “What happened to you?”
Out in the living room, the volume of voices swelled. Clearly something momentous was taking place. But Andrew kept his focus on Colin, hoping to make amends for his callous behavior in January—or at least explain it. “My bodyguard, Wallace, he wouldn’t let me go.”
“Wouldn’t ‘let’ you? You’re an adult, right?”
“Yes, but at the time I wasn’t insisting I be treated like one.”
“I don’t follow.”
“I wasn’t out yet. I needed help keeping my secret. Wallace didn’t think you could be trusted. I’d met you at a rave, after all.” Feeling the heat of the evening and Colin’s hostility, Andrew tugged the lapel of his blazer, wishing he’d removed it before coming to the party. “You weren’t the first lad I had to ditch like that, but you were the last. I sacked Wallace the following day, after he’d let slip one too many homophobic comments.”
I’m saving you from yourself, Lord Andrew. Your appetite for peasant cock will be the death of you.
“You should’ve phoned me,” Colin said. “Instead of leaving me to think you’d found someone better, or that I’d been pranked.”
“I wanted to explain, but how could I, without giving away my real identity?”
“You were a fucking coward that night. I saw your big coming-out on your YouTube channel in February. Everyone said you were so brave, but I knew the truth. I knew you’d been slumming it in disguise.”
“You’re right, I was a coward. It was dishonorable.” Andrew yearned to erase the hurt and anger from that face, but sensed that words would only make it worse. “I deeply regret my actions that night. All but one.”
Colin bristled as though expecting an insult. “Which one?”
“This.” Andrew stepped forward and kissed him. Not hard, not long, not demanding, and with no hands whatsoever. Just one mouth against one mouth, solid, soft, and sure.
Applause erupted. Colin lurched away from Andrew and spun to face the kitchen door. But no one was there.
“What’s going on?” Andrew took a step toward the living room, his heart pounding from their too-brief contact.
A chorus of Awwwww s answered him, followed by catcalls and a woman shouting, “Kiss the bride, Fergus!”
Andrew and Colin gaped at each other, then raced to the living room.
The party was gathered around Fergus and John, who were draped in a large fleece football blanket. Colin nudged Liam and asked,
Being out in this world was dangerous enough. Being real was downright suicidal.
“I’m afraid you’d find my problems shallow and inconsequential,” Andrew said.
“Because they are shallow and inconsequential.” Colin slowly raised his hand, then swept the backs of his fingertips along Andrew’s jaw. “Just like yourself.”
Andrew shivered inside, at the combination of harsh words and tender touch. Colin looked as though he couldn’t decide if he wanted to kiss him or bite him. Andrew would’ve welcomed either—both—but more than anything, he wanted Colin to understand him. He shouldn’t give a toss for anyone’s opinion, and yet…in this world of fakers and caricatures, perhaps he’d finally met someone utterly unpredictable, utterly raw.
So he said what was in his heart, for once not calculating his words’ effect. “I’m sorry I never came to our room the night we met.”
Colin’s brows spasmed, darting together and apart in an instant. He dropped his hand but didn’t move away. “I felt a fucking fool waiting all night alone in that posh hotel room, afraid to have so much as a glass of water in case I’d be arrested for stealing.”
“You should have ordered room service. I would’ve been happy to pay for it.”
“I didnae want food. I wanted—” Colin cut himself off and turned away, rubbing the back of his reddening neck, then sweeping his hand up to make the spiky black waves of hair stand even more on end. “What happened to you?”
Out in the living room, the volume of voices swelled. Clearly something momentous was taking place. But Andrew kept his focus on Colin, hoping to make amends for his callous behavior in January—or at least explain it. “My bodyguard, Wallace, he wouldn’t let me go.”
“Wouldn’t ‘let’ you? You’re an adult, right?”
“Yes, but at the time I wasn’t insisting I be treated like one.”
“I don’t follow.”
“I wasn’t out yet. I needed help keeping my secret. Wallace didn’t think you could be trusted. I’d met you at a rave, after all.” Feeling the heat of the evening and Colin’s hostility, Andrew tugged the lapel of his blazer, wishing he’d removed it before coming to the party. “You weren’t the first lad I had to ditch like that, but you were the last. I sacked Wallace the following day, after he’d let slip one too many homophobic comments.”
I’m saving you from yourself, Lord Andrew. Your appetite for peasant cock will be the death of you.
“You should’ve phoned me,” Colin said. “Instead of leaving me to think you’d found someone better, or that I’d been pranked.”
“I wanted to explain, but how could I, without giving away my real identity?”
“You were a fucking coward that night. I saw your big coming-out on your YouTube channel in February. Everyone said you were so brave, but I knew the truth. I knew you’d been slumming it in disguise.”
“You’re right, I was a coward. It was dishonorable.” Andrew yearned to erase the hurt and anger from that face, but sensed that words would only make it worse. “I deeply regret my actions that night. All but one.”
Colin bristled as though expecting an insult. “Which one?”
“This.” Andrew stepped forward and kissed him. Not hard, not long, not demanding, and with no hands whatsoever. Just one mouth against one mouth, solid, soft, and sure.
Applause erupted. Colin lurched away from Andrew and spun to face the kitchen door. But no one was there.
“What’s going on?” Andrew took a step toward the living room, his heart pounding from their too-brief contact.
A chorus of Awwwww s answered him, followed by catcalls and a woman shouting, “Kiss the bride, Fergus!”
Andrew and Colin gaped at each other, then raced to the living room.
The party was gathered around Fergus and John, who were draped in a large fleece football blanket. Colin nudged Liam and asked,
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